Conscious:

King Me

2012-01-16T22:27:00.001-06:00

It's funny how people try to quote Dr. King on the third Monday of January every year. It's usually the same people who have a violent moment every month or never have a deep thought. Hilarious. It's cool though. I'm not knocking anybody. I just find it all funny. The only day out of the whole year that there are any quotes from him are on his observed birthday, not his actual birthday. It's just something to think about. I know I can't be the only one who notices this. I won't quote him and I never do. It's been almost forty four years since his death and people are still trying to dig up dirt about his personal life. I really don't care about people's personal lives. As long as they are not bothering me, why should I care? He was human just like all of us. I never him because he did so much. But back to making fun of people. How do you quote Dr. King and then turn around and watch Love and Basketball or Maury? Seriously?

The Incredible Hulk

2012-01-07T20:48:00.001-06:00

I want to take a minute to give some light to somebody that I respect more and more when I hear him speak. I'm a hip hopper. I have been for years. People that are just getting to know me soon find out that I'm a thoughtful person who would rather fade to the shadows and let somebody else speak for me. I'm from the south as is David Banner. Not the David Banner from the comics, but the rapper David Banner. I'm going to let him speak now. Respect his intelligence and his opinions, even if you don't agree with him. At least he is not a robot following what everybody else is doing. Jackson, Mississippi's finest.

Evolver

2012-01-05T19:23:00.001-06:00

It's 2012. I'll be thirty at the end of the year. Wait. I had to pause for a minute. That was very depressing to type that. Anyway, things become stale after a while. Vacations only gloss over the fact that we have to go back to the life that we tried to leave behind. It's always hard for me accept that I'm not where I want to be. I say that, but I don't know where I want to be. I've spent my adult life going back and forth on where and what I wanted to do. From Columbus to Montgomery to Charlotte to Tulsa to Oklahoma City to Richmond and back to Little Rock. The funny part is that I never left. I'm still here, by choice. I'm by no means a failure, but how many entries have I written about my frustrations with what I'm doing? It's probably time for me to step out of my comfort zone. One thing that I'm going to try to change is neglecting my biggest supporters, my family. The majority of my family doesn't even know that I do this or that I have written a book. All they know is that I'm alive and well. That is mostly my fault. I took being a private person to the extreme. I'm going to be a more aggressive person. The Chase will continue and hopefully finish. I plan on finishing my second book this year. Keep your fingers crossed. We'll see. I'm not one for making resolutions. I'm just going to put forth my best effort to change. This is a big year and possibly the last year. Might as well go out with a bang.

Teblowing

2011-12-20T20:35:00.001-06:00

I have to get on my sports talk for a minute. There is one person that I am so tired of hearing about. It should be pretty obvious from the title who I'm talking about. Tim Tebow. I've never been a fan going back to his freshman year in college. He took snaps away from Chris Leak who, to me, was the better quarterback. Tebow became the most overrated college player of all time, even winning a Heisman Trophy. I won't even get into a football discussion about him because it's pointless. People keep trying to say that he just knows how to win, yet they always call football the ultimate team sport. So why does he get all the credit for the wins? That falls back to a much larger issue with the quarterback position, which has traditionally been played by Whites, being the glamour position. Go figure. Getting back to Tebow, he sucks. His defense has carried him, but all these analysts want to act like it was all Tebow. It's ridiculous. The way that people treat him is the main reason why I don't like him. It's good that he has such high morals and he has every right to talk openly about his religion. That doesn't bother me one bit. I'm talking about the fact that people give him a pass because of those intangibles. They ignore the fact that he can't play. Isn't that what matters in the end? All the attention he gets makes me dislike him even more. I don't like hearing him speak because everything he says sounds rehearsed. He is such a robot that it drives me insane. Show some personality. I am not just making a blank argument here either. I can make this into a football discussion very easily. Tim Tebow has a weak, inaccurate arm with a slow delivery. That spells career backup. The exception here is that we're talking about Tim Tebow. He just knows how to win. Ignore the fact that his defense has been playing good and Willis McGahee looks like the Willis McGahee before he blew out his knee at The U. So I can have this conversation with anybody. It doesn't matter if you know football or you're just a fan of Tim Tebow. I'm willing to discuss this thoroughly. I won't Teblow it.

Baby Girl

2011-12-19T23:39:00.000-06:00

It's hard to describe the way life goes. There can always be a twist thrown in just for the hell of it. I have had a baby girl for at least ten years. No matter how things change or go wrong. There was always a baby girl lurking in the shadows. That is still true now. I see her and I can't help but smile. Why? I don't know. I love her; always have and always will. I wanted a little sister when I was younger because I couldn't stand being called the baby. I'm twenty nine and I'm still the baby boy. That will never go away and I've accepted that. I can at least say that I made it that long being relevant in my family. I have become irrelevant. It's hard to understand, but I fall right in line. I'm sure the same thing happened when I showed up. It's no secret that Anthony Hamilton is my guy. He has a song called Baby Girl on his newest album and it was my motivation on this song. If you know me then you know I have a soft spot for women who are trying to do what they can with what they have. I'm prone to helping out when I can. This probably doesn't make any sense but it makes complete sense to me. And if you know my history and my character, then it would to you too. I can't stand anyone but my family questioning anything that I do or have done. Let that sit for a minute and it will make sense. Or just listen to the song. It will all make sense. Free promotion for Anthony Hamilton.

Better

2011-12-15T20:35:00.000-06:00

"You can do better." I've been hearing that quite a bit lately. It seems that people aren't satisfied with my performance. In different parts of my life, I'm not living up to someone else's expectations for me. Does that make those points valid? I'm not sure. It seems like people have always had high expectations for me because of things that I have no control over. I can't help what influences how people see me, but I have to accept them. Can I do better? Sure I can. It's not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes I just want to be ordinary. It's hard to do because I'm so awesome. Seriously, I have to do better. Only time will tell if I live up to everyone's expectations. I know I will never be able to live up to my own. I had big dreams and I still hope to live up to them one day. My time is running out for some, but I won't reveal what those dreams are here. That will keep the suspense up. I'll do better though. I'm new to some things. Patience is necessary with me. Give me time and I'll be what I'm supposed to be.

Aging

2011-11-09T15:45:00.001-06:00

For some reason, I have a much easier time letting my guard down on here. You see me in real life and I try not to let you know what I'm thinking. One thing that really bothers me is getting old. I love my parents to death even though I don't say it. I think about what's going to happen when they pass away. It really feels like a nightmare. I really shouldn't even think about it, but I do, all the time. I'm almost thirty but I think about myself passing on too. I want to do so many different things, but I haven't even made a dent in my plans. I'm not sure if my fear is death or failure. Maybe they both go hand and hand. Eventually it will be me who has to run a family and make sure everyone is taken care of. That's big responsibility for someone who doesn't even know what they want to do with the rest of their life. The worse part is that there is no way around it. I'm getting older everyday. I'm just waiting on that first gray hair to pop up. When it does I'll know it's all downhill. Hopefully I won't start balding. I don't think my head will look right.

Penn State University

2011-11-09T15:33:00.002-06:00

We're in the midst of a very exciting college football season. LSU vs. Alabama was considered a classic by many (not me). My Alma mater is finally having a good season. Realignment is possibly coming to an end. But now there is an ugly situation that is brewing in Happy Valley. I don't even know how to approach speaking on this. It looks like the people who made the wrong decisions are getting the boot. That includes Joe Paterno. The administration at Penn State did so many things wrong that there is enough blame to go around. The president, athletic director, head football coach and the assistant coach who witnessed one occurrence should all be gone. The coaches don't bear as much blame as the AD and president, but they still have to take some blame here. Joe Paterno is the face of Penn State. He could have made sure something was done. Jerry Sandusky should have been in jail years ago and not working out on campus just a week ago. All these years the public was made to believe that that program was such a clean program, but in the end its crime was far worse than anything USC did. The coach that witnessed the assault should have stopped it immediately. Why would he leave? The whole thing looks like a cover up to protect Penn State football and there is something terribly wrong with that. Football doesn't even matter in this situation. Those kids will be scarred for the rest of their lives. It didn't have to come to that. We shouldn't be hearing about this nine years after it happened. And all those students that rallied at Paterno's home should be ashamed of themselves. That's why this was swept under the rug. Football is paramount there. There are times when football doesn't matter. This is one of those times. Who cares if the image of the school is tarnished? Somebody should have come forward with information and when it was ignored, made it a priority to make sure something was done. Now you have even more families ruined because of this. There is no way I would let a child of mine go to a school where something like this happened. Never.

Locked In

2011-11-08T11:45:00.001-06:00

It's already November and there hasn't been one NBA game yet. Honestly I haven't even missed it. The product had become mediocre in the past few years anyway. I have been following the same team for at least fifteen years probably. Wow I'm showing my age, but I was just a child when I first started following them. I have many memories of playing basketball when I was younger. My family probably remembers some of them because they were funny at my expense. There was that time when I hurt my finger and had to soak it in Epsom salt. Yes I was made fun of then. I remember getting a whooping for something so stupid and then being afraid to play basketball with the same person who gave it to me. Finally my mom convinced me to go outside and it felt like nothing had happened before. We played against a guy who played professionally overseas. Hell I was doing And 1 moves before that all got big. When we moved in 7th grade the people there were amazed that I could do a finger roll. It's crazy all the memories that I have of basketball and now there is no basketball. I don't even know if there is a way to choose sides. Most of the NBA players suck anyway. A jump shot doesn't really exist anymore. I think that this lockout will hurt the lead since it was just starting to recover from the previous lockout. The other day I saw something that said that soccer had higher average attendance than the NBA. I didn't see that one coming. As much as I love basketball, I'd much rather watch college. There is not much better than March Madness. The names change but the action stays the same. So I can truthfully say thanks NBA we don't miss you.

The Politics

2011-11-03T11:03:00.000-05:00

So Herman Cain decided he would run for president. Good for him. He had to know what was coming next. It seems like he was unprepared for his background to be checked out. Anything about his past was going to come out if it could affect his presidency. I really don't care about him or any other candidate. They're all the same to me. What I have a problem with is this idea that this whole thing is a "cyber lynching. Look at that picture. That's a real lynching. There is no comparison between the two. Right wing conservatives want the attention so they throw that out there. It's ridiculous. Ann Coulter will say anything to sell a book. In the scheme of things my opinions don't matter, and I understand that. This is my platform though and I'm going speak my mind. It's offensive. This is another reason why I don't watch the news. Most of the people with the platform to speak are idiots. It's hard for a racist to know that they're a racist. In their mind, they're right. It's how they were raised and it will never change. It's obvious that racism is alive and well. The faces in that picture tell the story. To them it's a game, a hate filled game. The media can be just as hateful. As a Black Man "cyber lynching" is offensive to me. This is not a lynching. This is just a reminder to Herman Cain that he is still Black no matter how many White faces he has behind him, just like in the picture.

High Class

2011-10-27T20:59:00.001-05:00

So I'm at work today and something really bothered me today. This older Black lady was just surprisingly rude to me. First she interrupted me while I was talking to another customer. The customer that I was helping laughed as I shook my head. I thought the situation was over with, but she continued to act ignorant. She was standing around the corner out of my sight and the whole time she kept saying, "That's not it. Come here boy." She was by no means quiet and I was getting very irritated even though I was still helping the same customer. Of course her presumed husband was there and he didn't say much and waited patiently for me to finish with the first customer. When I did, I tried my best to get that lady the hell out that store because I really wanted to slap the...never mind. A Black person calling a Black man a boy should be a criminal offense. How disrespectful is that? All those years when we were only seen as boys are gone. The President is Black! That happened hours ago and I'm still upset about it. For some reason people look down on people who work in retail. I fell out with someone I've know about ten years over this same subject. We get trained to think that the customer is always right. We all know that the customers can very easily be wrong. But we have to bend over backwards to please them no matter how wrong they are. I don't know how many a customer has acted that way towards me like I'm the scum of the earth for working retail. I takes a bit of patience to do what we do. I went to school. I pay my taxes. I make my own money. I chose to work retail. That was completely my choice. I can get out whenever I want to. That friend that I fell out with had the nerve to say that I was a disappointment to my father because I worked retail. I should have cussed her ass out. Now that anger is being transferred to my blog because I think that might be the first time that I've cursed on here. But I don't want to take it out because that's the way I really feel. It's sad that we have people that think that way. It's even harder to say that I don't care because I do. I wish that lady would've been high class, but she obviously wasn't.

Coming Home

2011-10-26T20:25:00.001-05:00

So I've been catching quite a bit of flack recently for not updating this blog more frequently. That doesn't mean I haven't been watching and paying attention to what's been going on in the world. So what should I talk about? The World Series is going on, but I don't care about that. Occupy Wall Street is not going to do the damage that they think it will. The Droid Bionic is a pretty impressive phone. I can go on like this for hours, but that would be pretty pointless. I want to spend a minute on Muammar Gaddafi and these wars in general. Gaddafi probably deserved what he got. He took many lives during his reign and ripped many families apart. What I find funny is how we try to group all these leaders together and say that this war is justified. Sure three villains have been wiped out, but at what cost? People back home can't find jobs yet we spend trillions on a war against an untrained military of rebels. Is that really justified. Ten years in Iraq and its finally announced that there will be a full withdrawal. Ten years! The whole thing just seems like a political ploy for the president. He can say that all these military victories took place during his time in office. It's almost 2012 and it's all hands on deck. The most important thing out of all of this is that the troops are coming home. It is beyond time for that. There is so much work to be done here that I don't understand focusing that much attention on these other countries. And where is all this money coming from to spend on the wars? I want to be able to retire and not die on the job. That's another topic for another day. I think I'll just quit while I'm ahead. So this is my first post in a few months. Are you happy now???

Stunted Growth

2011-07-07T21:56:00.000-05:00

When I was younger I wanted to be a marine biologist. That was before I even knew what a marine biologist was. I just thought that I wanted to look at animals underwater. How dumb is that? I wanted to be many other things also, including a lawyer, a basketball player, a clothing designer, a photographer, a rapper and an entrepreneur. It's funny that I started doing a couple of those when I was real young. It's funny looking back at it all now. My rap name was Aaron the Baron. I was going to play basketball at Southern University. My first design was a green rugby style sweater with two yellow bands around the left forearm. My clothing store was going to be called "E.C. Style." My adult dream is to be a writer. It would be nice to be able to quit working or just to work if I want to. Writing has always come easy to me but I never gave a thought to being a writer. My english professor in college pushed me that way when she told me that I could be a good writer. Since then I've tried getting more focused on my writing. I've had a couple people tell me things about my writing that honestly make me a little bit uncomfortable. I'm confident in my abilities but sometimes the words used to describe my talents seem to be a little too much for me. It's truly humbling to hear that I'm a brilliant writer. Now I feel like I have to put something out soon or all that talk and hype will be for nothing. So I'm constantly thinking of different ways to improve my skills. I'm almost there. Give me just a little more time.

Happy Anniversary

2011-07-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

This year should be my ten year reunion. I'm not going. That's all I wanted to say.

Faith

2011-06-24T22:24:00.000-05:00

Faith: allegiance to duty or a person, loyalty, belief and trust in God. All three definitions of my faith are being tested lately. I will never question whether God exists or even his actions. My battle with faith has more to do with whether or not me getting on my knees every night would solve some of my problems. I haven't done that since I was in college. The odd part is that college is when I stopped going to church. Since then, I'm not the same as I was. Adulthood hasn't been what I thought it would. We all go through that phase. And that's exactly what that is to me; a phase. I'll come out of that. I've only had small roadblocks during my life. I can only imagine what people that have been through dramatic events feel. Religion wasn't forced down my throat when I was younger, even though I always went to church. From that I have my own beliefs and my faith is still strong. I'm loyal to a fault to my people, but maybe the time has come to fall back from that. My people are loyal right back to me, but is that detrimental to both sides? My allegiance to one person in particular has crumbled in the past week. So I'm going to speak directly this person because I know those eyes will read this. We go back almost thirteen years. We always fall out over some dumb... well you know where this is heading. My allegiance is still to you and it always will be. You definitely test my faith in friendship among other things. A trip to Chicago is always just a click away, but it seems like a trip back to Little Rock is always just a figment of my imagination. Something is not right about that. I don't know what you're going through but step away from it for a minute. Nobody has your back more than me. But I won't be treated like I'm always the one doing something wrong. I'll walk away from it all. I don't deserve that and I won't accept it. You have to restore my faith in you. Show me that we're better than that. If we're not then leave it alone, and I'll leave you alone. Friday is out of the question even if you show me something. You know I'm talking to you. I'm off on a tangent. Let me get back on topic. Keep the faith. I'm out.

Bamboozled

2011-06-21T11:35:00.000-05:00

So I just recently went back and watched Bamboozled again. Spike Lee seems like the only director that continues to push the envelope. This movie came out in 2000 but it still rings true today. People always ask me something about a Tyler Perry movie like I've seen his movies before. It's the assumption that I like stupidity and not creativity. Should I critique something that I have never seen all the way through? Well there is a reason why I never seen it all the way through. It seems like I'm always talking about him, but go back and watch Bamboozled. The situation is so prevalent today. You have the short, fat, bald guy wearing loud, tight fitting clothes and mispronouncing words and acting stupid. That's the same thing we were doing eighty years ago. The most powerful man in the world is Black so something doesn't add up here. Every show or movie doesn't have to be The Cosby show. I understand that drama sells but his work is so stereotypical it's ridiculous. It feels like I'm on a one man crusade to see better images of us in the media. Lupe Fiasco went on The O'Reilly Factor and couldn't get a word in. Denzel Washington can't buy an Oscar. My cousin should be replacing Katie Couric. Every little bit helps right? Until then, I'll keep voicing my opinion and people will keep disagreeing with me. I don't care. My thoughts, my blog. Simple.

Disappointment

2011-06-21T10:56:00.000-05:00

Disappoint: to fail to fulfill the expectations or hope of. I'm human so I've been disappointed before in my life. Just like anybody else, I deal with it. Many of the decisions I've made have left me feeling disappointed. It's life. So to ANYBODY that feels they have disappointed me, you're wrong. No person can disappoint me. Actions disappoint me, not people. Things happen and I will always get over it. Simple.

Prince James Version

2011-06-08T12:03:00.000-05:00

I haven't been paying any attention to the NBA finals. Well I guess I have because I know that the series is tied 2-2. But I haven't watched a game so far and I don't have any interest in doing so. The biggest villain right now in the NBA is Lebron James. The Decision was only right financially for him. His decision to do The Decision made him the most despised player in the league. Most people outside of Cleveland have gotten over the show itself, but I still have a problem with his performance. He has all the talent in the world, but he still needs to take over games. The media gave him the nickname King James and hyped him up even when he was in high school. He's in a lose lose situation. Unless he wins 3 or 4 rings, he'll always be criticized, fairly or unfairly. Last night he pulled another disappearing act. Sometimes I feel bad for him because he's under so much pressure over something that is just a game. That's the nature of the beast though. Hopefully The Mavericks will win this series. If not The NBA may have a bigger problem on their hands. Then Lebron James will be blamed for the deterioration of the league. The future looks like there will possibly be maybe six to eight power teams and a boatload of horrible teams. Who wants to see that? I'm a Hornets fan and I don't want to see Chris Paul leave but I don't see him staying. I see him doing just like Lebron did and forming another big three somewhere else. Some people point to the big three in Boston as the start of this trend, but Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett were traded to Boston. It's a totally different situation. I'm hoping that there remains a level playing field in The NBA because that's the only way I'll keep watching it. Thanks Lebron. Maybe Michael Jordan will launch another comeback.

Last Breath

2011-05-31T19:02:00.000-05:00

I know that I'm getting ahead of myself. I've already started on my second book and I have the basic idea for my third one. I guess I'm not procrastinating as far as how many books I want to write. Now all I have to do is wrap up the first one and see where it all goes from there. If this is what I want to do, then this is what I should do. I have a job, but I'd like a career. I'm still young enough to switch fields. The time is probably about as ripe as it's going to be for me. Things can change in the blink of an eye. I don't want to get caught with my eyes closed when opportunity passes my way. Yes, Last Breath is the current title of the third book. What is it about? You'll just have to wait.

Black

2011-05-25T20:43:00.000-05:00

Black: of the color black, of or relating to various groups of dark skinned people, wicked, evil, gloomy, dismal. It's hard not to recall the scenes from the movie Malcolm X when "Red" was in prison. I'm proud to be who I am, but it makes me wonder what the origins are for us being called Black. My skin is not black and I'm not alone in that fact. How did black become synonymous with evil or wicked? It goes back to an earlier post that I made talking about skin tones. That self hatred is in the very definition of the word. Black is beautiful. Plain and simple. We sometimes that crab in a bucket mentality. But when you put us against anybody else, we can easily unite for the cause. President Obama is a good example of that, along with Michael Vick, Tiger Woods, and even O.J. Simpson. We came out in record numbers to vote for the president in '08 and were the first to forgive the other three for their transgressions. We have brought so much culturally and historically to this country yet we are relegated to second class citizens at times. I tend to be critical of my own people because we think we have to hold ourselves to higher standards. The deck is already stacked against us because of who we are. That will change hopefully and I know it's ten times better than it was years ago. But we still have a ways to go. Anybody with a trace of Black in their blood is Black to me.

Common Sense

2011-05-20T12:19:00.000-05:00

President Obama can never rest comfortably. It seems like when he does something that can possibly bring the country back together, the people that hate to see that find anything to attack him. Recently The First Lady decided to celebrate poetry at the white house and invited Lonnie Lynn (MC Common) to perform. Of course this decision was blasted by some that know nothing about Common or his music. The funny part is that the people who were the most vocal about it were the ones who love the attention the most. Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly always have something to say, even if it means making a big deal out of nothing. They twisted everything around to say that Common advocated killing cops. It's obvious they don't listen to his music and Palin is such a clown that she tried to say that she listens to rap as a way to make it OK for her to speak on him. Nobody believes for a minute that she does because if she did then she would have been silent on the matter. Common shined light on Assata Shakur. He felt she was wrongly accused. He has the freedom of speech to say that. It sickens me when people act like their opinion is the only one that exists. Luckily people came to Common's defense even though he didn't really need it.

Sunshine

2011-04-27T11:59:00.001-05:00

Sunshine: the direct light of the sun. All this rain is driving me crazy. I was hoping that maybe a picture of the sun would help. Yes there are some clouds in the picture but the sun peaking out is more than I've seen in a good while. These storms have been horrible. Lives have been lost and normalcy is nonexistent. Hopefully a little sun will have speed along the process.

Death

2011-04-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

Death: the end of life. Just like everything else, there is a beginning and an end. Death is the ultimate ending. Life is the adventure. I don't give much thought into what happens when we die. Part of me doesn't want to know what happens. It could happen any day so I try not to think about it. Some people say they live everyday like it's their last and I wish I had the mentality to do that. I take everything one day at a time. I'm the classic procrastinator. If I died tomorrow there would be so many things left on the table. I don't think I've burned any bridges but there will be bridges that have not been traveled on lately. That would bother me as much as almost anything else. I've lost contact with so many people and most are of my own doing. It's not too late to fix that though. I don't want people to cry at my funeral, but I don't want it to be a celebration either. I want to be missed, but I want people to be able to move on. Funerals are sometimes judged by how many people show up. That's not very important to me either. It would be nice to fill up a church, but at that point would it really matter? I'm not even thirty years old yet so why am I thinking about death so much? Young people are dying rapidly and we just never know when it's going to happen. I'm not losing sleep over it, but I'm thinking about it more now. I want all my ducks in a row, but I don't have much say in the matter.

Pain

2011-04-25T13:00:00.000-05:00

Pain: suffering or distress of body or mind. We feel pain as soon as we enter this world. But at that point the only thing we can do is cry. As we grow older we learn how to deal with pain. We all deal with it in our own ways. Emotional pain can be much more devastating than physical pain. A few years ago I remember sitting in my grandmother's funeral. I didn't really feel anything that day. I clearly remember being there. I was sitting in the front row because I was a pall bearer. We were all prepared for that day, but some people still cried. As hard as I tried I couldn't. What's strange about that is that I wondered for a couple years after that why I didn't cry. I thought something was wrong with me because I didn't feel pain. Maybe I'm just blowing this whole thing out of proportion, but it really bothered me. Sometimes it seems like I don't care about quite a few things. Nonchalant could be my nickname. Truth is that I do care and I'm very passionate about quite a few things. My anger sometimes disguises my pain. I bury that pain for another day. I will probably continue to do that. It's what I'm trained to do. The only time it comes out is in my writing. It's one reason why I write. I can't think of any better way than to put it in a form that I can go back and look at forever. I can't think of anything.

Love

2011-04-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

Love: strong affection: warm attachment. Sounds simple enough. The two basic definitions for probably the most powerful word in the English language, at least in my opinion. I try not to use the word very often. I love my family and closest friends, but that's about it. Musiq said it best when he said the word is used in vain. So what is love to me? I don't think there is a true way to define love. Love can only be shown by actions. People always say they love chocolate, or a song, or a city etc. But is that really love? It's hard to imagine anybody giving up their life for any of those things. So I guess that is my definition of love; anything you would give your life for. Of course that's the most extreme definition. I'm not knocking those who just throw the word love around like it's nothing. More power to those who do that. I'm not one of those people who do that. I'm much more careful when I use the word love. And I can't say that I've never said that I loved a song or something. I have. But I've only been in love twice. I'm twenty eight. That is a pretty good ratio to me. Hopefully there won't be anybody offended or trying to figure out if they're one of the two. If they have to question whether they are one of the two then I did something wrong. But that doesn't mean that the chase is over. I think I know what I want more now than I ever have. Maybe here real soon, I'll have to change my definition. Make sure to watch the video. It shows love in different forms. Get 'em Eric!!!

Wordplay

2011-04-06T15:23:00.000-05:00

I've been playing with a new concept for a while now. I'm just going to start it and see where it goes. Words can be so powerful, but they can also be deceptive. What one word means to me could mean something completely different to someone else. So I'm going to have some fun with this. My definitions so don't get upset or offended. It's just the way that I see things.

The Point of It All

2011-03-30T21:35:00.006-05:00

I know that's not me in the picture and I can probably get sued for even using it. But Anthony Hamilton is that dude and that picture goes well with what I'm about to say. Plus I couldn't take a picture of myself like that. Hard to hold the camera without it showing in the picture. What is the point of it all, all being this life that we live. Everyday I go through this same routine, basically spinning my wheels. I want so much more than I have now. My homeboy and I were talking about this same thing the other day. We're the same age and we were both doing less than we should be. He's moving on and I'm left trying to figure out my next move. It's so easy to say what I'm going to do. The execution is so much harder. Now back the the original question. Is the point of all this to make the best out of life before we're called home? I never had any interest in figuring out the meaning of life. It's something that I'll never figure out so why try? My motivation is different nowadays. I want to make my family proud, and not just proud because I'm out on my own. Anybody can do that. I want to accomplish something that came from me solely. I have it in my sights, but I just need that extra push. I'm still trying to figure out this adulthood thing. Something happens everyday that I can learn from. I want so much to be like my father, but I have a long way to go. I'll keep working at it though. I have so much to gain by streamlining my thought process on life. I still have time to figure it all out.

Misspoke

2011-03-23T21:08:00.002-05:00

When I first started doing this, I was just doing something. A friend of mine started a blog I thought it would be fun to do the same. What really made me get more involved was another friend telling me that I couldn't have an opinion about something. That's not true for two reasons. One, I'm entitled to an opinion on anything. And secondly, I do have an opinion on just about everything. I've been pretty quiet the past couple months. But that doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention. Quite a bit has been going on lately. Tsunamis, earthquakes, Libya, Gadhafi, lockouts, blah blah blah. One thing was said recently that did catch my attention. Professional football player Adrian Peterson compared the NFL labor situation to slavery. Well...maybe if...I guess he meant...I don't know what the hell he meant. It's ridiculous to even make that statement. It's sad that "We" still feel the need to play the slavery card. Nobody is forcing him or anybody else to play football. There's no boat, no chains, no whips, no scars. All I see is green. Right now there fighting over one billions dollars, while normal everyday people try to figure out how much to spend on groceries every week. No sense of slavery in that. It gets worse when another player tweets his agreement with Peterson. First off, why tweet period? I don't really care that you just brushed your teeth etc. Anyway, everyone is entitled to their opinion. In this case my opinion is that Adrian Peterson should just play football. I wasn't alive when slavery existed in this country, but I'm pretty sure the star slaves weren't getting seven figure endorsement deals and making Campbell soup commercials. And I'm pretty sure no slave was seen as a star to their master. It's just funny when you think about what he said. I'm sure that there are more people who agree with him. I don't. I just wish Adrian Peterson had to meet my approval to speak again. Without it, he might actually speak again. Hide the cell phones and laptops!!!

Dreaming

2011-01-14T21:20:00.002-06:00

Monday will be the 25Th anniversary of the observation of MLK holiday. So how much progress have we made? Yes we have a Black president now, but some of the comments that I hear about him let's me know that nothing has changed. The Blacks that we see with power are entertainers and athletes. Corporate America has many Black CEO's, even one that campaigning for a the presidency in 2012, albeit on the Republican side. I wish I had emoticons on here. Anyway, more positive images would help here. Everything is not all good in our community, but it's not all bad either. The economy is bad, but it's bad for everybody no matter the race. So we have to be better than anybody else. We're already behind strictly because of our skin color. Anybody who thinks there is a level playing field is naive. We have to take some of the blame there too. To me it all starts with education. The importance of an education was beat into my head. When I graduated high school, not going to college was not an option. Well, it was an option. But if I didn't want to go to school, I had to get out the house. Plain and simple. I'm proud of the people that I know that are doctors, lawyers, veterinarians, students, and so many others things. We have much more control over our own destinies. We have taken advantage of that too. But everything is not wonderful. For now the dream is yet to be realized, but we are slowly waking up to our brighter futures.

That's It?

2011-01-11T12:20:00.002-06:00

Today is January 11. Way back in August the talk began about college football and the games started. Five months later the champion is decided. The regular season was one of the most exciting in recent memory, but the climax was horrible. Last night was one of the worst championship games that I've seen in my young life. When it was first determined that Oregon and Auburn would be playing, I knew it would be a boring game. But I expected more than that. We waited all that time and that's the game we get? I don't care about the television ratings. The game was boring, complete with few big plays and poor play calling. Both teams run the same high speed high school offense, which meant that the same plays were being ran all night long. The Heisman Trophy winner didn't do anything all game except miss big plays and almost cost his team the win. The third place finisher did very little as well. Neither team looked good. Maybe it was the rust. Maybe it was nerves. Whatever the reason, I can't wait until something happens that forces playoffs. It's ridiculous. Earlier in the season I said Alabama was the best team. I still think they are. Auburn was lucky all season and Oregon didn't play anybody. TCU probably would've beaten either team. The arguments about what would happen are worthless though. Auburn won. That's the end of it. A new season starts in August. I can't wait.

Woo Chop Sooie!!!

2011-01-05T14:52:00.003-06:00

So the Sugar Bowl was played last night. I'm from Arkansas so I knew what it would be like, win or lose. The hog fans are fanatical which is fine. My problem with the hog fans is that they're not very realistic. They were happy to see the razorbacks in their first BCS game. But before the season started, there was so much talk about this being "our year". For some reason, they think that our team should be competing on a championship level every year. It can happen, but we're not USC, or Notre Dame, or Florida. They're still living off something that happened 50 years ago. We're not a powerhouse program and yesterday proved it. Ohio St. has been in this spot before and it showed. Arkansas should have won that game, just like they should have won against Alabama, and possible Auburn. Once again Ryan Mallett flamed out. That interception he threw to end the game was horrible. But it was not totally on him. The receivers were dropping passes all over the place. Bobby Petrino showed why the Falcons fired him with his poor play calling. Julian Horton should have just picked up the blocked punt and run it in for a touchdown. Good teams find ways to win while bad teams find ways to lose. Arkansas is not a bad team, but they found a way to lose every game they lost this season. Hopefully Ryan Mallett will enter the draft. I think the team will be better without without him.

New Year's Evolution

2011-01-01T08:06:00.003-06:00

Another year. Me and my homeboy were talking the other day about our people. We were both talking about how we needed a change. Sometimes things can get stagnant. What happens at that point? It's so much easier just letting things stay the way they are. But it's always a risk making a change. But at some point, it has to be done. We talked about our people. Not long ago, I talked about being a part of America's nightmare. Maybe now is the time that that nightmare becomes reality. I've gotten more focused on sharpening my writing abilities. There has to be something better than this. I want my people to get focused. We have to go after what we want. I saw somewhere that Barack Obama was the most admired man in the world. Of course the results are don't seem very realistic right now. Now is as good a time as any. It's time for us to evolve into what we should be.

Selling Out

2010-12-29T10:18:00.002-06:00

Lately I've been getting some flack for being anti-Tyler Perry. So I figured I'd throw more salt in the wound. Before I go much further though, let me say that I do respect Tyler Perry to a certain extent. He's giving Black actors and actresses jobs. That's about where my respect for him stops. I don't know his personal background, even though his defenders will try to tell me about it. I honestly don't care about that. I'm talking solely about his work. His work, to me, lacks creativity. There's no soul in his work. He found a formula that works and he has stuck with it. It just happens that his work is sort of a throwback to the days when we didn't have a choice in what we acted in. For instance, why would he have a lead character dress crazily and mispronounce words like it's 1924? It's embarrassing. Does he need to dress up like a woman in order to be funny (Martin Lawrence)? Why is everything he does titled "Tyler Perry presents"? It's blatant arrogance that's he's not talented enough to have. He's a conglomerate now. He can take risks now because he has a loyal fan base. Yet he still chooses to make "Madea goes to Work." I want my cut for giving him that title. Maybe he's already made that movie. Oh well. Anyway, is it fair to say he's selling out? I don't know. I'm not judge and jury on that one. I'm just saying that I wouldn't do what he's doing and I don't respect his work. If that makes him a sellout, then so be it. What surprises me is that we still support him. I can't get with what he's selling. I'm not saying to boycott him, just look for something different. The most powerful man in the world is Black. We can be so much more than bumbling idiots. And how dumb does he look in that picture?

Holiday Season

2010-12-27T18:38:00.001-06:00

The holiday season is one of my favorite times of the year. Being in the south, the weather is usually pretty nice as I don't ever remember having a white Christmas. I'm at the age now where I don't care if I get any gifts or not because I can buy whatever I want. So it would seem like everything is good. One drawback to it is that I don't have a family of my own so I always have to travel on Christmas. That wouldn't even be that big of a deal if I wasn't in retail. Usually I'm right back at work the next day and usually early. This year just worked out to where I was actually off the day after Christmas. It would be nice to be able to take vacation after Christmas, but I'm more worried about putting myself behind if I did do that. The drive is not long, but I hate making it. People drive crazy and "They" are always out. I'm glad they're out there, but I always have to worry about them bothering me because that's what they do sometimes. It gets scary on the highway sometimes because people fly like there is no speed limit around curves, hills and all. I'd much rather stay at home for the holidays, but I have to eat. And honestly, I love spending time with my family. We have always exchanged gifts and we always will. It amazes me when I hear people say that they just give money. I will never do that and I don't want anyone to give me money. Where's the fun in that? I like going out (early of course) and shopping for gifts, without a list. We did that when I was young and that's all I know. Yeah I got that in the picture....and it goes hard.

Failure to Launch

2010-12-23T19:23:00.002-06:00

Someone asked me at work the other day, "Why are you here?" I was thrown off at first, but I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't heard that question before. So why am I still at (Insert retailer here)? It's hard to answer that question honestly. I still have bills to pay. Do I love what I do? No. It's hard to love something that is not your passion. Writing is a passion of mine. It's so risky to make a career out of it. I've heard that I have enough talent to make a career out of it, but what happens if I don't? I'm back at square one looking for a way to make ends meet. Maybe the time will come when I push myself to do what I should be doing. I really want to be more than what I am now. My time will come. I just need that extra push.

BcS

2010-10-23T14:00:00.001-05:00

Last weekend was crazy in the landscape of college football. So many ranked teams lost, some losing pretty badly. From one of my earlier entries it's pretty obvious why I don't like Boise St. I was happy to see that they weren't ranked number one. Honestly, Auburn should be ranked number one. They have beaten better teams than Oklahoma and Oregon. Oregon hasn't beaten anybody really. If Auburn beats LSU they will be hard to ignore. I wish my Alma mater was good so that I could wear a shirt every weekend. Anyway, I still think that the preseason rankings should be taken away. Wait until after week 3. Most teams have played somebody by then unless they're dodging teams like...TCU. You have to love it though. Playoffs would solve all these arguments, but then we wouldn't have anything to argue about right. It's just like asking someone who the best rapper in the world is. Amazingly there are some people who say Lil Wayne. Immediately my first reaction is to react, but then I realize that everyone is entitled to their opinions. Elzhi is cold as hell, but just like Oregon, nobody sees or hears him, so he is automatically underrated. Strangely from that, a team can be overrated very easily, like Boise St. They went so many years of nobody talking about them that when the public had no choice but to pay attention, they put on a show. The rap equivalent is Common to me. Unlike Boise though, I love Common. But he came from the underground and now we see him all the time. Nobody ever says he's the best though. Confusing? I'm confusing myself. What I'm basically trying to say is that the BCS is BS. So who do I think is the best team in the country? Isn't it obvious???

Questionable

2010-10-22T19:14:00.002-05:00

I don't like being put in a spot where I have to go to anybody for advice. It's just an uncomfortable situation for me. I'd much rather work it out for myself. I don't necessarily need advice on this situation, but I figured I would throw it out there since I have pretty much a female following. First off this is a fictional situation spurred by curiosity. I'm just wondering what sets a woman off? I know, "Don't compare me to any other woman!!!" I can hear that already. I'm just trying to figure it out because I'm clueless. Does "No" do it? I say that quite a bit and the result isn't always pretty. There doesn't even seem to be a level of commitment needed for that reaction anymore. Females who are only considered close friends act the same way. And it's not just me. So what's really going on? I'm lost. The seasons are changing. Maybe that has something to do with it. I got people I use to talk to all the time, cutting me off for no apparent reason. I will try to figure it out myself. But I will accept help on this one.

Hunger

2010-09-28T19:55:00.002-05:00

Shout out to Eric Roberson. He has a song called "The Hunger" on his latest Cd. So what is the hunger? The hunger can be many different things. It's hard to tell when the hunger will occur. My hunger has returned. I let myself get complacent. I'm hungry for more. I do have more motivation now than ever before. Sometimes it takes something being more important than anything you have ever come across to awake your senses. Finally this has happened to me. For years I wondered if there was anything I would sacrifice my own well being for. Of course there are things that I probably would but I think I've finally found that one thing that I have no question about.

Katrina

2010-08-29T18:13:00.002-05:00

Katrina. That name will be infamous in U.S. history forever. Five years ago today she made landfall in the Gulf Coast. I had just graduated college days earlier and was contemplating my next move. We all knew it was coming but had no idea how bad it would be. I have family in New Orleans, traveled to New Orleans, and went to school only hours from New Orleans. Three months later I spent my Thanksgiving in New Orleans helping family clean up. It was amazing to see the devastation. Words can't describe what I saw down there. But I didn't have to be down there when it hit. I can't imagine what they had to go through. I know a couple people who were down there and can't even talk about it without getting emotional. I remember watching the coverage on the news everyday wondering why nothing was being done about that area. Why was it taking so long for help to get there? People were dying everyday, yet it didn't seem like the government cared or knew how to help. They knew she was coming. The government could've had help waiting down there ready well ahead of Katrina's arrival. The whole situation was unreal. I never thought anything like that could happen here. Now here we are five years later and it seems like it's been forgotten. How does that happen? A major city was almost wiped off the map. FEMA trailers are still in Arkansas, unused. The population hasn't returned to the Gulf Coast. Lives were lost and changed forever. Broken promises will be made again now that it's the anniversary. Let's hope that this administration doesn't put this on the back burner like the previous administration. Forgive me if I don't get my hopes up.

Itching

2010-08-28T20:46:00.002-05:00

It's almost September which means football is right around the corner. I have always hated preseason football. Everything about it was just overdone. Regardless of what the experts say, every fan has hope in the preseason. Nobody can predict what will happen once the real games start. The preseason polls in college football always mess up the season because some team will be put in the top ten that never belongs there and just rides an easy schedule to the national championship game (Oklahoma? Boise State? Ohio St?) This year the hog fans have high hopes. We'll see. I think they're in for a let down, but it will still be a good season for them. I'm not a razorback fan. I honestly don't have a college team, not even my Alma mater. Anyway, pro is a different story. My team won the Super Bowl in 2002, but hasn't been close since. We'll be better than the experts predict. Fantasy football is huge now. Concerts are held before the first game. Football is king and not just in the south. I'm just ready for the season to start. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm ready to see what's going to happen. I'll make my first bold predictions. My super bowl picks are Baltimore and Green Bay and Reggie Bush will have a big year, MVP-like. Now the fun starts.

Passing Strange

2010-08-26T17:28:00.002-05:00

I've been a Spike Lee fan for many years. My favorite film of his has always been Mo Better Blues. From old to new, his films have always been easy to support for me because of his creativity (check out She Hate Me). It's hard finding a Black movie director that's actually putting out good work. Yes, I am anti-Tyler Perry. Recently I ran across another film of his. This time I had never heard of it. But I still checked it out. Well at least I started. Netflix is a good service, by the way. Anyway, I started the film expecting an actual movie. So when a play started, I was unsure of how to react and I turned it off. At the time I didn't really want to watch a play. I don't know what it is but my brother has an eye for seeing greatness that I'm blind to. I thought Outkast was a joke when they first came out and The Godfather is a classic and my favorite movie. So he started pitching these lines from the movie and honestly was annoying me. I didn't know what he was talking about until I came home to see him watching Passing Strange. Of course I missed half the movie, but I was hooked. I went back and watched it all the way through and fell in love. It's funny though. Spike really didn't have anything to do with it. The play was just recorded by Lee. I can't really explain it. The play is just amazing. Look it up. Give it a chance. Now it feels strange that I almost passed on it.

Sad Anniversary

2010-08-19T20:40:00.002-05:00

Today is a very memorable day for me. Five years ago today, I graduated from college. It's funny how times flies whether you're having fun or not. When I got out I told myself, and others, that I wasn't going back to school. Ever. So far I have been able to hold out on going back. But I have given serious thought into going back. It never gets past the preliminary stages, but at least I have thought about it. Right now I'm stuck in neutral in a job with very little chance to advance. So what do I do? I'm at the point where I'm still young enough to take a risk. I'm feeling like I have to in order to be happy. I live day to day with not much of anything resembling a plan for the future, besides putting money away. Five years from now I don't know what I'll be doing. Hopefully I'll be in another city AND state. Change is good. I need it.

The Return

2010-08-18T17:04:00.002-05:00

The Hiatus is over. It's been a long time coming, but it was necessary. Airtight's Revenge comes out September 14Th. You didn't think I was talking about myself, did you?

Hiatus

2010-06-16T20:33:00.004-05:00

It's been a while since I've had anything to say. There's been so much going on. Most of it I can't speak on yet though. I wish I had more to say, but I don't. When things change, no doubt I'll be back. But for now, I'm just a shadow.......

Does It Even Matter?

2010-05-12T20:27:00.002-05:00

Every time I turn on the television, there is a commercial for one of the congressional candidates. Sometimes they come on back to back, bashing each other. Call it what it is but I don't really care about politics. I don't know when the elections are nor am I in any hurry to find out when they are. I don't trust politicians and I never will. I'm proud of Barack Obama, but I know that he can only do so much. And even then, I might not agree with everything that he says. So why all this media craze? Obviously elections hold weight, but I just don't care anymore. Yes I will vote, but I won't know anything about who I'm voting for. So what? My attitude towards voting is that I'm only doing because I feel like I have to. Too many people died for me to just be able to do so. I'm not from the school of thinking that my vote doesn't count. I'm from the school of distrusting politicians. In the end we all want the same things, but we have different ideas about how to get there. I know what happens affects me, but it's not life or death. A few years back there was an ad campaign that said, "Vote or Die." Well...I didn't vote in that election, pretty much out of spite because I hated that campaign that much. I couldn't believe the audacity they had to even say that. Since I'm writing this right now I'm going to assume that I didn't die because I didn't vote. Nobody came knocking on my door either threatening to kill me for not voting. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, but maybe I'm not. So I guess I need to find out when the polls open so I can......whatever.

The Chase IV

2010-05-06T16:32:00.002-05:00

So here I am again, talking about the chase. Maybe I should turn this topic into something much more in depth...like a book or something. Anyway, I'm at that uncomfortable spot where I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have a boatload of prerequisites, but I want so much. I'm honestly ready to settle down, but not ready to settle. But the flip side of that is that I don't want someone who feels like they have to settle for me. So much goes into deciding if you want to spend your life with someone. I want to come home to someone who I know will ask me how my day went and so forth. When I was just in high school, a close friend of mine told me that where she was from, I would be seen as a king. Recently I've been told by a couple people that I am the total package. That boosts my ego, but at the same time humbles me. I know what they're saying, but I also know that I should be doing so much more. I don't see myself as the total package, but I still occasionally get chased. I have to admit; the chase can be more entertaining than the catch. I'm ready to move and I'm ready to chase. Maybe I need to take another trip to Georgia. Or maybe I should go to Texas. Chicago is always an option. Little Rock can be considered a vacation for me. I don't really know what I want anymore. I need a change of scenery. I should start a new chase; chasing my dreams.

Glass Ceiling

2010-04-28T18:56:00.003-05:00

In the profession that I'm in, I'm seen as a youngster. I'm almost thirty years old. To me I feel like I'm getting to the point where I shouldn't be considered a youngster. It's frustrating having to sit by and watch as you get passed over for things that you know you are qualified for because of your age. Whatever. As time passes, I'll be an old man and still in the same spot. It's not how I pictured this all going. My path has to have other destinations. This is not what I want to be doing forty years from now. Right now I'm at a crossroads in my career. There are other interests that I have, but I'm not sure I want a career in that field. Honestly I like my job, but retail is rough. Your body falls apart, the hours suck, and there's too much turnover. I know I can move up, but the question is do I want to. Intelligence is subjective. In this case, I know I have more intelligence that some people above me. And I know that I can do a better job than they do. But because I refuse to kiss up or hang out with decision makers I may not get there. I don't think I should have to do anything like that. It's the way of the world. I knew it would be like this, but I was naive. This is something that I have to deal with. Until I figure out what to do, I'll keep writing. At least I have gotten positive feedback on that.

NBA...Where Boring Happens...

2010-04-18T20:17:00.002-05:00

So the NBA playoffs started Saturday. At one point I was a huge NBA fan and I still follow it now. But I just can't watch it like I did. It's boring as hell. These guys can't play anymore. They can't do the basics. When I was younger, me and my brother would practice in the backyard for hours on things that we would use in game situations. I practiced free throws, shooting, dribbling, and even trick shots like reverse layups for hours. I worked on what I wasn't good at. It sounds so simple, but obviously some of those players getting paid to play don't take that to heart. I remember when we moved to my hometown, I was in seventh grade. I could already do a finger roll and amazed them. I couldn't believe that there were only a few others in my class who could do that. I practiced. They didn't. Blame And 1. Maybe I'm just bitter because my teams sucks this year. I don't think that's what it is though. If they had made the playoffs, I'm pretty sure I would only watch the games that they're playing in. Don't get me wrong, there are still plenty of guys who can play. The game play is boring though. That's why I love watching the Suns play. They get up and down the court. They figured out a way around not having a team loaded with Hall of Famers like the Lakers and Celtics from the eighties. I will eventually watch some games. Hopefully they will be interesting. Shout out to Chris Paul.

Death and Taxes

2010-04-16T22:22:00.003-05:00

So it's tax season again (Happy Birthday Sis) and we all have to do the same thing. We wait for the money that we put into the system to come back to us, some more than others. I don't even worry about how much I'm getting back because I know it won't be anywhere near the amount that I put into the system. I have accepted that. I just wish that I saw more progress from it all. I understand that we all have to pay our taxes. It's one of the only things guaranteed in life, besides death. This is the life we live. We pay all these taxes while we drive over potholes. The gas prices go up everyday...there is no punchline there. CEO's of these huge companies continue to get millions in bonuses while the people who make those companies go don't see the benefits of their hard work. I've been experiencing that for the past two months. It's hard when you're being driven in the ground day after day physically and mentally. My bonus isn't worth the stress that comes along with it. The bags under my eyes grow every day and my body is falling apart. But I keep pushing because this is the path that I've chosen. My management style is different from some others, but everyone wants to work for me. Funny how that works out. All the overtime I've been getting will be gone anyway, from taxes. So why am I working the extra hours? Money has never been my motivation. Doing my job has always been my motivation. I don't care about my bonuses. I just want to make sure I do my job well. I'm getting off on another tangent here. I've done my own taxes for the past four years and it's becoming a hated task. If only I was rich. I wouldn't have to pay taxes at all......or at least not as much.

The Real

2010-04-14T17:58:00.002-05:00

It seems like everybody has an opinion about everything. I have to include myself in that category of course. From blogs to Facebook to Twitter to Myspace, everyone has something to say. What's funny is that the people who read everything that you say KNOW you. They know what you're really like. It cracks me up when I see people as shallow as a bucket try to be deep. It's like they have an alter ego when they sit behind a computer. But some of the basics are left out. Spell check is there for a reason. Punctuation can determine has something is read. It's not always good to speak in slang when you're trying to sound intelligent. I hope no one with a guilty conscience reads this and try to scream at me. I'm observant and just speaking on what I see. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I do forget to hit the spell check button. And sometimes I leave words out because I'm thinking faster than I can type. But some of the things I see are ridiculous. Simple words are misspelled and so on. This is beginning to turn into an indictment of the education system, but I've already done that before so I'll just stick to the topic at hand. Be careful what you put out there. You never know who is reading what you have to say.

Missing out

2010-03-31T22:13:00.002-05:00

In my twenty seven years, I've come across many people. We moved around so much when I was younger. I didn't know how to keep in touch with anybody at that age. There are plenty of people that I wish I had kept in touch with, but it didn't happen. Once I got older, I got better at it. But I still lose touch with people from time to time. In this information age, it's hard to completely disappear. There are so many ways to find people. Facebook has been my go to tool for that. My friend in Chicago is one that comes to mind. We went years with no contact because of something that was pretty petty honestly. Yes we reconnected but was it too late? I never second guess the path that I follow, but I do think about it from time to time. Regardless we won't make the same mistake again and I still expect an invite, even though we both know that there is no way I'm coming. I wouldn't dare put you in that position. There are others that I have gotten back in contact with, but there is one that really bugs me that I haven't found. I feel like I'm missing out. I'm not married and I don't have any kids. I'm getting older now. I have one Goddaughter. That's it. My nephews are basically non existent. So I have nothing. And anybody who knows me knows how much I want a daughter. I've explored every avenue. Nothing else I can do. It's frustrating because I can't do anything about it. Maybe something will change one day. But truthfully, I don't think it will. I just have to accept that.

Victory

2010-03-26T20:33:00.002-05:00

It's about time. Maybe now at least he will get a chance to show how he can really lead. No need to hang his head.

Ignorance

2010-03-13T15:53:00.002-06:00

It's the information age. So basically everyone with a pulse has a platform to speak their mind, including me. I respect everybody's opinion, but some of the things that I hear people saying is just ridiculous. At the same time, I understand it. We all have opinions and it's free to voice them. I try not to speak on what others say because I don't want to seem like I know it all. Every once in a while, I pay attention to what others are saying and it's funny. So many opinions are based on nothing at all and there are no facts at all. Preconceived notions are accepted as fact and that's the end of it all. It's been going on for so many years that people have parlayed their opinions into stardom. Most times it all feels like it's for shock value. I honestly can't fathom someone actually believing some of the things that I hear or see everyday. Rush Limbaugh comes to mind. But he's an idiot so he doesn't matter. But that's just my opinion. And I'm entitled to that. Obviously there are people who agree with what he's saying or he wouldn't even exist. We all have to accept that there will always be people saying dumb...well let's just leave it at that. This world is an ugly place. There will always be people around to spread hate and ignorance. We have to weed through all that. It gets hard, but it's doable. I stopped watching BET and I don't really keep up with the news. I'll continue to educate myself and continue to make sure that I take care of my business. Nothing outside of that really matters. That's just my opinion.

...Something Springs Eternal???

2010-03-06T19:32:00.003-06:00

It's only March, but something seems different. I've never seen as much snow as I did this year. I didn't get much money back from my taxes. Wait a minute...that's not the road I was supposed to be going down...Like I was saying, something seems different. Imagine my surprise when I did some snooping around and found out that Bilal is "scheduled" to release a new album this year. It has a title and everything. For those who have been following me, you know how big a fan I am of his work. To continue, the Saints won the Super Bowl. I just couldn't find that old jersey that I wore when I was a loyal fan, but I'm still happy for them. Eric Roberson came back. I finally made up my mind about something I've been wanting to do since I was a little boy, but I can't speak on that yet. Can you believe I have finished my book? I can't either but It's true. It's only been about eight years since I started on it. I've actually started on the second part of it. One of the better developments so far this year is that I have been able to catch up with some people that I haven't seen in years, even though there is one person that I have lost contact with that saddens me. I really want that to change. Anyway, I find myself wondering if "The Chase" is getting closer to ending. I don't know. It's hard to tell. My brother's latest ink design for me looks incredible. And so on and so on. Thinks are looking up. Maybe a few other things will go my way. I can only hope.....

True Artists

2010-02-22T21:11:00.004-06:00

As the list of credible music artist shrinks, two artists took the time to make another trip to The Rock this past weekend. Eric Roberson and Algebra Blessett were in town to perform. I had something come up that kept me from attending this show, which was disappointing to me. I had planned on going because it seems so rare that someone I want to see comes down here. Hopefully he will spread the word to other artists to let them know that we do listen to their music down here. Both Eric Roberson and Algebra are very underrated in the game. I wish they would get more publicity, but that's not the way things go now. Maybe one day things will change. Since I wasn't there, I had to get someone to at least record part of the show for me. I know the next time that anyone I want to see shows up here, I'm going. Speaking of that, my childhood friend is putting on a show this Saturday. I expect him to put on an excellent show. I've been gathering up people to show up. I try my best to support my people. Read the poster and check him out. I'll be there.

Hip Hop is still DEAD

2010-02-09T09:18:00.002-06:00

Another Tuesday has arrived and there is nothing new that I want to hear on the music front. The last hip hop album I bought was back in 2008. That doesn't make sense. I love hip hop. I am hip hop. So it's hard to watch the game go down the drain like it has. I remember many dinner conversations, some heated, about hip hop music when I was younger. My parents didn't agree with the language so we we're allowed to listen to it. But my older brother put us on to it and we were hooked. There was a constant tug of war after that. Me and my brother would buy hip hop tapes, my parents would hear them and take them. We would find out where they hid them and listen to them whenever they left. And the cycle continued once we moved to CDs. Once I didn't have to worry about sneaking them in, the music started to suck. It's almost like all the trouble I got into was for nothing. Don't get me wrong, I still listen to hip hop and there are still plenty of people putting out true hip hop music. But the difference now is that we have to search for it. And there are only a few that I listened to back in the day are still around. Lyricism was important, but now, if you make people dance then you getting paid. The art doesn't matter anymore. There's no creativity and those who try to show any sign of creativity or artistry get bashed, especially if it's something different from what they were doing. Andre 3000 is a perfect example. When Outkast first came out, they were different from everybody else out there. Soon after, followers came. Outkast helped to put the south on the map. Then Andre 3000 started dressing different and the music changed some. People had the nerve to question his sexuality and stopped listening to the music. What does that have to do with anything? I don't know him personally but I know he loves hip hop. Listen to his verse on Mighty O and you'll see what I'm talking about. It's hard waiting for Big Boi to put his album out, or Black Star to do another one, or even Nas to drop a guest verse. But I love it so that's what I'll do always. Hip Hop might not be dead, but it needs a heart transplant.

Black History Something

2010-02-03T18:36:00.002-06:00

It's February and that means that it's Black History Month. Personally, I think this month should not be celebrated as Black History Month. I understand the reason it was done and everything, but why have a month set aside to do that? Why not celebrate our contributions year round? This month has gone the same way that Dr. King's birthday has. The education system will never inform anybody of what we have done which is why we have to do it ourselves. This is the one time of the year when all these networks show what they call "classic." Most times it's movies from the black and white era that should be shown, but shouldn't only be shown in February. That is what modern Black actors came from. Back then they had no choice. Now they do, but we still have Tyler Perry. I'm not going down that road here though. African Americans built this country. We don't need a month to validate that. We have to educate ourselves because our history has so much more to offer than we are taught in school.

Headbanging

2010-01-28T23:17:00.002-06:00

I'm starting to think that I need to go to the doctor. I'm not sure but feels like I have insomnia. Maybe I just need to reteach myself how to fall asleep. It's so hard when you can't clear your head. I have been like this for at least ten years now. Waking up early no matter what time I went to sleep and tossing and turning all night. Constantly thinking keeps me up at night. Right now it's 11:27p.m. and here I am, just starting my thoughts. It's driving me crazy and the thing that I can't figure out is if it's slowly killing me. I've been sitting here with a banging headache since before I came home from work. It probably started like five hours ago. I expose myself to so much punishment that you would think I enjoy it. I don't. It's just what I'm use to. I put so much pressure on myself to do everything myself that I become exhausted. One of my biggest fears is becoming sick. The sad part is that so much of it is brought on by me. As much as I feel that I'm meant for bigger things, I find myself stuck in neutral. What amazes me is that I inspire when I don't even try. This past week I have found my focus again, which may be the gift and the curse. My picture is much clearer in a sense but now I have to question more things. Did I mess up a good situation with my "friend" by just accepting that "us" had become stagnant? Why not work on progress? Why haven't I moved yet? It's a frightening thought to have no direction. I can't keep going along for the ride on my own trip. Frustration is a word that I use way too often. I give so much of myself that I have nothing left for myself. I try so hard to not show my emotions but sometimes I can't help it. My face tells the full story. Something has been bugging the hell out of me for a while now, but I just can't put my finger on what it is. Maybe I just need a hobby...I wish I had somewhere that I could just put all my feelings down for others to see how I really feel without any toes being stepped on.............

King

2010-01-23T09:19:00.005-06:00

Last Friday was the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It seems like that day and the observation on Monday both came and went. A little more than a year ago. This country's first Black president was sworn in. I still feel there is a disconnect from that era for many of my peers. It's hard to appreciate the sacrifices that were made during the civil rights era unless you see it or talk to someone who went through it. In November I spent a few days in Georgia and Alabama. History has taught us only a portion of what happened in the south. Pictures are worth a thousand words and some of the things that I saw opened my eyes. I was looking for places to move to and because of the history that I previously knew about Alabama, I never gave much thought to moving there. What I realized is that the racism was so widespread that it's unfair to say that one state's history was worse that another. Mississippi's history is just as bad along with South Carolina, Texas, etc. It amazed me when I heard the stories of the people who made the same sacrifice that Dr. King did. Dr. King became the face of the movement, but so many others gave their lives. I always felt uncomfortable bringing that time up with my parents because I knew of the pain behind it. My father came with me on this trip and I get the feeling he wanted me to see it for myself. The anger is still lingering but now it has been mostly replaced with confidence, intelligence, and determination. He would have made it regardless. I think that is where most of my confidence comes from. I don't have to say "The Man" is holding me back because I have basically the same opportunity as everyone else. For that, I'm indebted to not only Dr. King, but the many others like him, including my parents, who endured the hardships so that I don't have to. I think I'll add the third Monday of Every January to my list of days to take off.

When Disaster Strikes

2010-01-20T19:23:00.002-06:00

So it's been a little over a week since the first earthquake struck Haiti. Today another one struck. This one was almost as powerful as the first one. I can only imagine the desperation that is felt in Haiti right now. I want to help, but my cynical nature won't let me. I think back on what happened back in '05 and it makes me upset to think of how long it took to get help to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Maybe that situation hits closer to home because I knew people who were down there when the situation was at it's worst. But I always feel like you should take care of home first. It just seems like so many people take advantage of a bad situation that it's hard for us to trust them. How do we know that the money we send to Red Cross etc. is going straight to Haiti? Corporations and celebrities can say that they have given so much, but how can we be sure? In the end, it doesn't matter what they do but I just don't trust that what I would give would get to where it needs to. I wish I didn't think like that. I really want to help. My Thanksgiving in '05 was spent in New Orleans. There was no hesitation when I was asked could I go. It's just a strange situation to me because I just can't get those images out of my mind from New Orleans even though that was five years ago. Maybe I should just give what I can and call it a day. I can't go to Haiti.

Rush Hour

2010-01-15T18:50:00.002-06:00

For once, I'll let someone else speak for me.

Best Rapper Alive???

2010-01-12T07:40:00.005-06:00

So Lil Wayne came to town this past weekend. Now he is the self proclaimed best rapper alive and there are plenty of people who would agree with him. I am not included in that group. It's been well documented that my favorite MC is Nas. And with that I think he's the best rapper alive. Nas is better lyrically, a better story teller, more diverse, and just flat out better than anybody else to me. I don't have Lil Wayne in my top anything because I don't like him. I went to college in Louisiana so I heard quite a bit from him during that time. I never heard him say anything that was cold. Most of the time, I didn't realize when his verse began or ended. He bores me. I could start naming names of people who I think are better than Wayne. In my opinion, Andre 3000, Common, Ghostface, Talib Kweli, Elzhi, Royce da 5'9, Big Boi, Jay Electronica, Lupe Fiasco, Eminem, Jay-z, Kanye, Gza, Reakwon, Phonte, Cee-lo, Mos Def, Scarface, Ludacris, Bun B and so many others are colder than Lil Wayne. I could keep going but it would take too long. Of course for saying this I will be called a hater. If having an opinion makes me a hater, then so be it. I don't know what the attraction is to Lil Wayne and I've tried to figure it out. I'm lost. He's not cold. It's impossible to convince me of that. I have asked a few Wayne fans to recite on cold line he's said and they rarely can. The ones that they have recited are beyond ordinary. Can anybody tell me one time that he had the best verse on a posse song or even a song with just one other person? My boy Nas has never been shown up in song, no matter if it's Rakim, Jay-z, or even Wayne. Wayne will never have an Illmatic. Plus he stole his idea for the album cover of The Carter III from Illmatic. Listen to the remix of Ghetto Rich by Rich Boy and see who has the best verse. Trust me, it's not Lil Wayne.

The Chase III

2010-01-05T11:17:00.002-06:00

So here we are again. It's been a minute since I had to talk about the chase. I'm back at it though. It's funny how much effort can be put into something that never really worked. All it takes is one thing to keep you around. It's hard to ignore signs, but it's easy to deal with them. All our time is valuable, but sometimes we waste it searching for something that never exists. Romance becomes a game, entangling many emotions and reactions. Thoughts are always reactionary. Hindsight is too late to save anything. What's done is done. No need to go back and play the same game that was hindering the relationship in the first place. My heart wasn't one hundred percent in. This wasn't supposed to happen anyway. It just...happened. Its hard to expect the unexpected when nothing surprises you. It's life...take it as it comes. Shout out to all those who have finished the chase. Me, I'm still at it. It is hard to walk away when four letter words are thrown out in desperation. But we have to do what's best for us. Maybe it was a mistake to go down this road because it damages the friendship. There's that hindsight thing again. I'm not going to badmouth anybody, unlike the other half. I don't feel it's right, but some choose to go that route. Whatever. It's all good. I can move on.

Avatar

2010-01-04T20:19:00.002-06:00

Umm...I didn't understand it. I see all the reviews and so forth. But I wasn't impressed. After a while I was trying not to fall asleep. I gave up trying to understand it around hour eight or whatever it was. Maybe I tried to read too much into the story. I don't know. I give credit where it's due. The visuals were incredible, if not awkward, with the the 3D glasses on. But other than that, I really didn't like the movie. I'm happy for Zoe Saldana, even though she is unrecognizable in the movie. I'll just add this one to the list of movies that I'm in the minority on. For those that don't know, I think The Matrix sucked. I seem to be only person who feels that way. That movie was boring and so was Avatar. Just my opinion, as always.

Out of Touch

2009-12-30T22:40:00.005-06:00

The new year is right around the corner. This is the time of year where celebrations pop off and so forth. Alcohol is always a dangerous fire-starter. I understand that people will have a couple drinks and have fun, but at some point logic has to take over. A couple days ago, I ran into an old friend from high school that I hadn't seen in a couple years. During the course of our conversation, he asks me if I had heard about our old teammate and his classmate. I hadn't but I knew from the way that he asked me that I wouldn't like his answer. There was that very brief awkward moment of silence then he finally tells me that our friend is dead. The past few years have hardened me. Since my ninth grade year in high school, I have lost nearly ten of my friends. Three of those have been killed by a drunk driver. Maybe I'm just a lame ass dude because I don't drink. But there is something wrong with that picture. My hometown doesn't have more than twenty thousand people there. How could I lose that many? I'm only twenty seven. I shouldn't be going to funerals for my peers. Now maybe anybody who wonders why I trash my hometown every chance I get will understand where I'm coming from. It's like a black hole. Even if you get out, it still touches you, directly or indirectly. It is what it is I guess. I can't fail for them. It doesn't even matter what I do.

Family

2009-12-29T20:46:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure, but I think some big major holiday just passed. Anyway, I gathered with my family as always and it was fun as always. Of course I felt like a bum when I got there because I was under the impression that we weren't exchanging gifts. I was given gifts but came in empty handed. Cold-blooded. I had no choice but to accept my gifts. What else could I do? So we always sit around and talk. This time I went through all those pictures from my younger days. I couldn't help but smile at my baby pictures. And then from that comes the stories from my childhood of things that I don't even remember. Ahhh the good old days...I can never go back. Looking at my pictures can be confusing because it would appear that I have a twin that is about ten years older than me. Every family has a story, but I'm not going to dig into all that here. Those issues existed and they probably still do. So be it. I love my family and it's always nice to get a surprise from one of them. This is not the platform for me to vent about my family, but I wish things were a little bit different. Maybe eventually things will go back to the way they were.

Tiger Strikes

2009-12-13T20:41:00.002-06:00

It's funny how quickly things can fall apart. Everybody has an opinion about the Tiger Woods situation. Of course I have an opinion on it too. Well...oh well. Celebrities are held to such standards that it's not fair. There are so many layers to touch on here that I don't know where to start. It's not even a story to me because I don't care what Tiger Woods does. He has nothing to do with me. Secondly, all these people talking about what a scumbag he is and what not should honestly shut up. We don't know what was going on so we can't speak about it. It's not fair to him. I'm not exactly coming to his defense because I don't know what I'm defending. I don't know what happened. Why should I care anyway? Tiger is a man just like me. We all make mistakes. It's just that Tiger's mistake has cost him much than any I have made. Now all these companies are trying to get away from him and one ended it's relationship with him completely. The same thing happened to Kobe Bryant a few years ago and now he's the most popular player in the game. Tiger made golf what it is today. He really is the reason why Blacks even pay attention to golf. Golf has always felt like it was created to keep us away since it started in country clubs. As much as he has tried to downplay his ethnic makeup, he's still got some Black in him and there are those who can't wait to see him fall on his face. It just seems like the election of Obama has just helped awaken some old racial tensions that will probably never disappear. It is what it is. I don't know all the details, nor do I care. I'm tired of hearing about it. What he does off the course shouldn't matter. Athletes are role models, but when they fail there is no reason to tear them down. There are normal people who go to work everyday and pay their bills on time who are role models. For once Tiger Woods knows what it's like to be a Black man in America.

Fear

2009-12-12T20:25:00.002-06:00

Growing up is a hard thing to do at any age. When I was younger, I was afraid of the dark like many other kids. It didn't help that I had an older brother who enjoyed getting under my skin. So he would drag me in a dark room, knowing I was terrified and would scream and kick to not go in that room. But he was stronger than me so it never really worked. Now that I'm older, I have different fears. Failure is one of my biggest fears, so that drives me to avoid risks. That in turn makes me a bit more boring than I care to be. I can change that, but I don't know if I will. About a year ago, I was told that I didn't have cancer. Fear was in the back of my mind for about two weeks before I was told that. I try my best to play my feelings close to the vest, but sometimes my acting skills leave me. My emotions have been much harder to control lately. Maybe it's because I don't care as much as I use to. Or maybe it's that I care too much to let things just be taken out of context. I don't know anymore. Right now I'm having a problem to commitment. It has always been hard for me to commit to a difficult decision, but I make better decisions than I give myself credit for. I mean I made the move up here all by myself. Now I have some much bigger decisions to make regarding work, relationships, money, family etc. I'll admit that there is still a chance that I'll waffle on whatever decisions I make, but at least I can admit that I have a problem here. I just don't want anything to blow up in my face. I guess that's just my fear of embarrassment.

Changes

2009-12-01T21:15:00.002-06:00

Today is the first of December. I woke up this morning and found frost on my windshield. Last month I went on vacation for about a week. I had the chance to step back from my normal routine and see things from the outside. I don't know how or when but something has to change. I don't like my current routine. It just feels stagnant. There is so much out there for me to do. I know that I have better options. I'm not use to staying in one place much longer than I've been here. So it's like I have this itch. The only way for me to scratch it is to leave. My past vacation was spent scouting out an area that I was interested in moving to. Until I figure out what I want to do, I'll keep searching. During my vacation, I spent a large amount of my time with my father. Advice was being thrown at me left and right. But I wasn't being preached to. It was more of a call and response type of thing. I was basically wanting to see how he felt about whatever I asked. I listened to him, and I would make my move from there. Only time will tell what happens from there. I think that he could sense that I was so desperate for a change that I was willing to move somewhere that I would regret. So I won't be moving to the place that I visited, but I have a better idea of what I'm looking for. Will I have a family to travel with me or will it just be a road dog? I don't know but that may be something that is changing soon also. So much can happen in just a couple weeks.

I'm Dying

2009-11-30T15:14:00.002-06:00

Today is my birthday...I'll officially be twenty seven around ten o'clock tonight. Everyday I get closer to the end of my journey. I feel much older than my age. That probably because of so many outside factors. I have never been one of those people who searches for the meaning of life or anything abstract like that. I always felt like there are some things that were never meant to be understood, and life is one of them. So while I complain about getting just one year older, someone else's life is coming to an end, probably at this very moment. The cycle continues. So it's very frustrating to see and hear something new everyday about health care reform, but no movement on the issue. I hate hearing all the talk. I'll pay attention when something is finally done about it. Meanwhile, people are still dying. I'm on the fence on the issue. A better way of saying it is I'm indifferent. I'll just stay Black and die, with or without health care reform.

Goodbyes

2009-11-15T20:47:00.002-06:00

So it's over. Now what? There is no beef. Growth is a continual thing and at some point paths veer off in different directions. Now we're getting old. We're past the point where we can say ten years from now we'll be doing things. We said that ten years ago. It's time to move on and that has to be accepted before any kind of closure can take place. That word is always thrown out. Closure. What does that really mean though? That word takes on a certain meaning when it is concerning relationships. Closure basically means it's over. All parties involved have moved on. So now I'm back to square one again. Well, I can't say that because I knew this day would come. It just wasn't in the cards. I can't predict the future nor do I claim to be able to. So now here we are. It's over. Wishing nothing but the best for each other is all that's left. We can't be friends again. The hardest part is accepting that you may never see each other again. But I'm not hard to find. Until then, goodbye.

No Apologies

2009-10-11T21:45:00.002-05:00

I have to get up on my soap box for a minute. Lately it seems like I've been questioned on so many decisions that I've made or haven't made. I'm tired of having to explain my actions. I'm tired of people looking for an explanation from me. There is always a point where you don't want to do it anymore. Nearly everything that I do has a reason behind it, regardless of what I actually say. In my mind, I know why I did whatever it was that I did. So no explanation was needed. I don't understand that whole idea of the question "Why?" I can't act like I don't do the same thing though. It just irks me when I get second guessed so often. It gets under my skin pretty easily. Alright, I just had to get that off my chest. Back to what I do.

Inspiration

2009-10-03T22:10:00.002-05:00

Days pass and the bags under my eyes multiply. My body aches and I can feel the aging process speeding up every second. I watch the clock from my bed and it watches me back. Another month arrives and nothing new comes with it. I listen to stories of what drives people, what makes them get up every morning. Some answers are obvious, others more obscure. My inspiration is the people that get in my ass about what I need to do. My dad is one of the only people I know who can chew me out without raising his voice. My friends always tell me how good my writing is. My brother never tells me what I want to hear. I don't have a child looking up at with me bright eyes to motivate me. My wife hasn't presented herself to me just yet. So it's up to me to find inspiration for myself. There are so many things that I want to do. I have to find a way to get them done. That Marvin Gaye movie would be worth it to me, but that's something for later down the road. Only a few know that I'm even thinking of doing that. All I need is a foot in the door. I have always felt like I was meant to do more that work at a retail store. I'm wasting my God-given talent there and I know it. I sit back and watch some of these other people that I'm openly critical of making moves and the jealousy seeps out. Not envy of their talent, but envy of their platform. These clowns have the spotlight, but not talent deserving of it. I shouldn't call them clowns, but this is my platform and that's what I choose to call them. So, like I was saying, these clowns should just go away. I won't name names but my people in my circle know some of the names anyway. Right now I'm listening to Eric Roberson's new album. He should be so much more well known along with some of the people featured on his album. But we're all subjected to...I won't even go there. So right now I'm just waiting on the next person to talk bad to me.

Heartless

2009-09-27T20:49:00.003-05:00

Am I too young to be going through a midlife crisis? Probably so but I still feel like I'm going through one. For some reason I'm not passionate about anything or anyone. Most days are spent going to work and coming home trying to figure out what my next tattoo is going to be. Going through that helped my realize that I wasn't passionate about anything. Not anything significant. I wear my heart on my sleeve but I have no heart. Not for anything tangible at least. I have plenty of heart for things like...losing sleep, peanut butter, and ITunes. But those things won't last. I don't come home to a wife and kids, I hate my job, Nas doesn't make enough music, and all of my sports teams are terrible. Everything that I have heart for has a "but" attached to it. I love my family, but I don't show it anywhere as much as I should. The first vehicle that I thought I loved so much was almost traded in. I love to write, but I have editing my work. I would cook everyday if I didn't have to clean up afterwards. Nothing is cut and dry with me. I'm a classic procrastinator which doesn't the situation because I think too much. I love to point out my own flaws but I never do anything to change them. So in the end I have no one to blame but myself for the way things are. In the end, I could be so many things and I still have plenty of time. That's the same thing I said five years ago.

When the Well Runs Dry

2009-09-22T18:21:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I had something to say here. It seems like I have writer's block or something. Of course I have things to say. But what's the point? Right now it seems like all the news is always bad. Parents killing their children, health care steadily being drained, justice never being served, and so on and so on. It's boring to me. Maybe I'm not the writer that I think I am. I know that can't be true. Anyway, life continues, boring or not. So I guess I'll continue to be the mouthpiece for something or somebody.

Amazing

2009-08-27T14:53:00.002-05:00

So I'm driving home and I'm stopped a red light. To my left is a quiet neighborhood. Flapping proudly in the wind in the backyard of one of the houses was a confederate flag. I had been down this same route many times and never noticed it. Race is something that we tend to sweep under the rug. Yes, we have a Black president. But the blatant hatred continues. Yesterday I bought a picture book with pictures mainly from the civil rights movement. It's amazing to see pictures of people being blown away by hoses hooked up to fire hydrants. Then you have that clown calling Obama a racist when it's the other way around. There's this misconception that these problems mostly exist in the south. That's not true. It's just as bad in the north. Recently my family made a trip to Chicago and on the way there, we stopped south of Chicago. The restaurant we ate at didn't seem to have any Blacks working or eating there. Of course when we were seated, we were put almost as far from the entrance as possible. Maybe I'm blowing that out of proportion, but I look at things like that in Black and White. We all mentioned the situation amongst ourselves, but in the end it didn't matter. We were paying customers so we would get what we wanted anyway. It's just irritating. It's all the same...I get so tired of talking about race. But somebody has to do it.

The Pursuit of Madness

2009-08-25T16:01:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how fast things can turn our world upside down. One minute everything is lovely, the next it's completely different. Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us. The battle is waged daily between the heart and the brain; pain vs. love. It will always seem like the two go hand in hand. The two should be separated sometimes. Sleepless nights, wrinkles grey hair are not the way to go. Stress can drive you crazy. It's not healthy and we shouldn't do it. We all know that too. That doesn't change anything. Gut feelings aren't always right. But how do we just disregard something that just feels right? If it's not good for us, it's time to walk away. Other factors will always motivate us too. Bills keep us at a job we can't stand even though we know it's not taking us anywhere. "Love" keeps us in relationships even though we know we'll get hurt in the end. Is it good for us in the long run? Nothing is so cut and dry. There is always another side that keeps us in the same spot. We hold out hope that something will change eventually. In the meantime, we're going crazy. What hurts us is the same thing that we think will soon lead to happiness. Madness ensues. Happiness all depends on the individual. What makes one person happy might get on my nerves. I'm guilty of not always doing what makes me happy, but I won't do anything that makes me miserable too long. I know when it's time to get out. I'll never let it get too far gone. This is the life we chose. We deal with the decisions we make daily, for better or worse.

A Spade Will Always Be A Spade

2009-08-22T20:52:00.002-05:00

I'll probably get in trouble for this one, but I'm just speaking my mind. Maybe I'm biased because I'm really just defending my boy Nas. The main issue is spousal support. Let me be clear; I'm completely against deadbeat dads and I understand that women need money to take care of children. But at some point, an adult has to be an adult. I always talk about how marriage is such a big step. Two becomes one for as long as the marriage lasts. Once it ends though and there are kids involved, it gets ugly. The parents squabble over small things while the kids suffer. It's hard to feel sorry for a capable adult who relies on their former spouse for support once the marriage ends. There are so many single mothers out there who work and take care of their kids while going to school. They don't need anybody to take care of them. I don't know why a judge would allow them to keep the same lifestyle that they had when they were married. To me, "were" is the key word here. It almost seems like punishment to force the man to pay above his means to support his former wife and kids. That is why marriage is not on my radar right now. I don't have time to spend in court dealing with something like this. When the wife gets more than she deserves and then goes back to the court and asks for more, she looks bad. I didn't use the word that I wanted to there because this is a family blog. I can't know details, but I call it like I see it. Johnnie Taylor made a song called "It's Cheaper to Keep Her." Yes it is. Make sure she really loves you for you and not anything else. Or you could be singing the blues.

First Period

2009-08-19T19:05:00.002-05:00

Today was the first day of school for some. I remember those days. I'll admit it; when I started school I was a crybaby. I cried the first day of school in kindergarten and first grade. I was use to being at home with my mom. I didn't want to go to some strange place where I didn't know anybody. I got over that eventually. Then it became an adventure because it seemed like we moved every couple years. That became frustrating because it made it impossible to get settled in. When it happened, I didn't like it. But now that I'm older I completely understand why it was done. Part of me misses those days. There was no sense of the reality that was waiting for me once I got done with school. It was fun then. The classes were alright, but it was really all about recess. Those days were spent trying to impress the girls playing basketball since that was my game. That trick always worked, even when the sport changed. Later it became football and sometimes track that impressed the ladies. Of course it wasn't all about the ladies in school. There was some learning going on too. The teachers that made the most impact on us always stay with us. Unfortunately, I don't remember too many of them. I don't have a story like the movie "Lean on Me." I remember the people in my classes more than anything else. Either way school was an important time. I truly believe that all teachers are underpaid. Their job is so important to our development as adults. For some students, the teachers become a third parent. With no parents around, school can be the only thing standing between these kids and trouble. So good luck to all those going back to school. Enjoy it...because it won't last forever.

Second Chances

2009-08-18T08:54:00.002-05:00

It's funny how there is always talk of getting second chances in this country. That seems true unless u mess with animals. I spoke on Micheal Vick a while back and now here we are again. I'm not really surprised that his signing with the Philadelphia Eagles has been received this way. I don't have any pets so maybe I can't really speak on the passion behind it. But some of the pet-lovers' reactions are ridiculous. We all know what he did was wrong and it's crazy to fight dogs, but he deserves a second chance just like everybody else. It happens all the time. Me being me, I have to mention the racial undertones that I see in almost everything. The dictatorship of Roger Goodell is out of hand. Vick shouldn't be suspended any games now since he was suspended while he was in prison. Matt Jones was caught cutting cocaine with a credit card, but he was only suspended three games and didn't really spend any time in jail. Strictly football-wise, Matt Jones was a bust while Micheal Vick was a game changer. So the spotlight is much larger on Vick and therefore he has a chance to really affect dogfighting in the inner cities. Yet PETA and The Humane Society are both so arrogant and annoying that they feel that the Eagles should have contacted them before signing Micheal Vick. Why? I would not have contacted them either if I were running the show. I wouldn't care what they thought about it. It makes no sense to see protesters at a press conference for a signing in football. Don't they have better things to do? Protesting doesn't do anything anyway. It's not the 1960's. Nobody cares. Why weren't those same people protesting when Sean Bell was murdered? There's something wrong when animals become more important than humans.

Allergies

2009-08-13T09:21:00.002-05:00

I think I need to change the way I answer a certain question whenever it's asked. For all these years I never thought I had any allergies. But I've had an epiphany; I'm allergic to stupidity. I've always been around dumb people but I could always laugh them off. Now it's different. Now I have small spurts of road rage. When people say dumb things, it honestly makes me a little upset. I have to admit that I haven't put on my thinking cap since about second grade so I say some things without thinking. But some of these cats are outrageous with it. Maybe they're just a product of their environment. I don't know. It's hard to read e-mails littered with misspelled words and poor grammar. And yes I understand writing doesn't come easy to everyone. But there is almost always a spellcheck on any system. It's there for a reason. If a mid-sized SUV is coming at you, I promise you won't win that battle. So why do so many act like they can't get hit and walk in the street? It's mind-boggling. Why do people come to work and get pissed when someone tells them to do something? Why do athletes cheat when they know they will get caught? There is no way anybody should be getting suspended for steroid use in baseball since they started testing. It's stupid. I can't call it anymore, but I can name it; Idiotology. That sounds right. Even an idiot can understand that.

Ice Cold

2009-08-03T20:30:00.002-05:00

So what's the definition of "cool"? I don't know. I didn't invent the word so I can't really speak on that. I hear that I'm too cool to do something that I don't want to do all the time. That's the first thing that pops out someone's mouth. I don't want to "walk it out" at a family reunion because I'm too cool. Or I won't dress down because I'm too cool. Not one thought goes into the fact that I don't want to do those things. It has nothing to do with being cool. Do I think I'm cool? Yes I do and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not the authority on coolness. Somebody might think I'm just the lamest dude in the world. I don't really care so that doesn't matter. Everyday I see people walking around looking like somebody from the movies, videos etc. and it's funny to me. Trends determine what and who is cool. I don't get it. If I get along with you personality-wise, then you're cool to me. Of course there are always people that I don't get along with in a certain setting that can be so cool in a different setting. That's just natural. People change depending on their surroundings and the situation. The same things that make people look lame could make them look awesome to the next person. Was that lame to just say awesome? Who cares. I say it all the time. It's a funny word to me so I'll continue to use it. This is just a boring rant from a lame dude. Never mind me. I'm freezing though........

Huge Letdown

2009-08-02T16:14:00.002-05:00

I have to show my dorky side for a minute. I was dying to see the new Transformers movie. Earlier this year when they started showing those teaser trailers for the movie, I was excited just like the rest of the world. The months leading up to the release only drove up anticipation. Then it finally came out. Wow. What a huge letdown. I'm not a big fan of cop outs. There have been so many times when these big time directors just throw a bunch of action scenes together and call it a day. That's a huge cop out. Keep the story fresh. We don't want to see all those explosions and dumb ass stories. It all has to play out together. Critics have bashed the movie and moviegoers are showing they lost interest after seeing it the first time. It's hard to live up to that much hype but they didn't even try. I place to blame mostly on the director. Micheal Bay likes to talk like he's some great director who has made actor's careers, but he honestly sucks. I can't name one above average movie he has made. Steven Spielberg would have never made this movie. Maybe I'm just being too hard on this movie. Who really cares? It made more money that I could even imagine and it's one of the top ten highest grossing movies of all time already. So it's hard to knock what happened. I'm just giving my opinion just like I always do. I can't tell anyone to not go see this movie. Just calling it like I see it.

Married Life

2009-07-31T10:34:00.003-05:00

I feel like I have to put a disclaimer on this entry so here it is; I'm not married. I'm just speaking from the outside looking in and from what my idea of what marriage should be. So many times you see people get married at a young age and soon after they get divorced. Me, personally, I just think that's a very bold move to make. At the time, couples don't think they or it will end in divorce but things change. We all think we have a good idea of what makes us happy until our world gets turned upside down. People fall in love with their complete opposite, someone bad for them, so on and so on. Anytime you have to question why you're in a relationship, it's probably time to get out. Older people look at us successful bachelors and bachelorettes and wonder why we're still single. I'm taking my time. I don't want to regret the decision years down the road. You have family and friends come together for this glorious occasion and then years later a divorce comes. It's big letdown and money wasted. But then again, we can't predict the future. That's why I play everything by ear now. No need to jump into anything so fast. People who are really looking out for you will always tell you to wait and make sure it's right. That's why I'm married to me before anybody else. I have to figure out who I am and accept that before even thinking of marriage. That's not to say I haven't ran into some potential wives because I have. But I don't want to make a mistake. I do hope for the best for those who are married. Here's to the married life!!!

Tone It Up

2009-07-28T14:03:00.002-05:00

Nowadays we tend to get caught up in appearances. To some dudes, skin tone has an affect on their attraction to a lady's physical appearance. Some women have the same mentality. There are a couple ways to tackle this topic. On the surface it doesn't appear to be a big deal, but there is an underlying meaning behind even this subject that was inbedded in our heads years ago. But I'll get into that later. Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. We all have preferences on appearance. In that way, it's not a big deal. It can be irritating though. Honestly, I get tired of guys saying that a woman looks better because she has dark skin. That touches on a bigger issue that have with this topic. Somewhere along the lines we were brainwashed to believe that Black was ugly. There was a time when magazines, television, movies, etc. only had white faces on them. So we thought that was what it meant to be beautiful. All the models were white. Light skinned women became the "in" thing. Micheal Jackson is a very good example of that mentality from the male perspective. He bleached his skin to the point that he didn't even resemble his own baby picture. To me, this is just another form of self hatred. I don't have a preference on skin tone. Beauty comes in all colors. Physical features are more important than tone to me anyway. Halle Berry, Sanaa Lathan, and Gabrielle Union are all beautiful with different skin tones. Of course I'm really just speaking about Black women. You know I'm all about us. I like dark chocolate just as much as I do milk chocolate. It's all the same to me. Maybe one day we can stop saying which skin tone is back in style. Black never goes out of style. Black goes with anything.

Edit Profile

2009-07-22T14:37:00.002-05:00

OK, now it's time for me to get away from speaking from my heart. Now I'll let my gut speak for a minute. It's time for me to tackle some issues again. Yesterday Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr. was arrested. People get arrested everyday so why is this a big deal? He's one of the leading Black scholars in this country and probably the world. The fact that he was arrested for basically breaking into his own house may lend credence to those who think this whole story is blown out of proportion. But it's not to me. We finally have a Black president running our country. All those people cried on election night and went to work the next day with homemade shirts with his face all over them. We had hope that we finally had a chance in this country. Not much has changed as this situation shows. Racism is still running high, especially since Obama was elected. These racists are looking for any reason to say that he shouldn't have been elected in the first place. The situation with Gates would not happen if he was White. There is no way a prominent White scholar would have been led off in handcuffs in front of his own home. As usual when we started to make noise about the situation, he was released and all charges against him were dropped. So why was he arrested in the first place? Was it because he's Black? I don't know. The police will always say that they have justification for everything that they do. Something just doesn't seem right about the whole thing. I honestly don't think it will ever stop, at least not in my lifetime. Countries all over the world have been torn apart because of differences in the people within them. Why should this country be any different? Obviously it will continue as long as racist ideas are passed down from generation to generation.

Chicago Connections

2009-07-20T19:46:00.002-05:00

I just got back from a trip to Chicago. I can't call it a vacation because it wasn't to me. There is so much to see in the city, but I have to spend my time sitting around. This time was a little different. I actually got a chance to get away for a little while. Things finally worked out for me to feel my pulse again. It's been almost ten years since I felt it; touched it. Eight years and not much has changed. There was not an awkward moment. Those minutes felt like hours and the memories will last until the next time. I couldn't be prouder of her than I am now and yes I take full credit for that. I don't want to forget to say what's up to those co-workers who might be reading over her shoulder. The pieces finally fell in place for us to have that long awaited reunion. I was in town for a family reunion anyway. I honestly didn't care about that, which is why I waited til the last minute to even register for it. I was only going if I could her, my pulse. Now what happens? I don't know. This is the type of situation that I was talking about in "The Chase." I am done forcing things to happen. I'm going to just let things happen naturally. I love her and I always will, but I can't offer much more than that. The time spent was great. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But timing is just as important in every relationship. Maybe our chance has passed. Maybe we're just getting started. I just can't put my finger on it. For that night, we were one. But in the end we both had to leave. Our lives are heading in two different directions. It's not a bad thing. We had our time and we could still have a life together. I was stressed out until I went to Chicago. I really needed to see her. But relationship-wise, we might still work. It's too early to call. For now, she should just get a tattoo that says, "dangerous" because that exactly what she is to me, but in a good way. I'm still chasing my "It" girl.

Awakening

2009-07-14T21:18:00.003-05:00

In some point in our lives we all have an epiphany. For some it comes too soon, for others too late. When it happens it's hard to figure out what exactly to make of it. I can't say that I've had one recently but I need one now. I am running in place, but I keep coming close to having my epiphany about what to do with the rest of my life. People have been in my ear lately because they know I'm not happy and that I have talent for other things, mainly writing. I love it and I have things to say. I have this big idea about doing a movie about Marvin Gaye. The last entry that I wrote about the chase is something that I wanted to write a book about a long time ago. I just have so many ideas in my head that don't involve making sure a shelf is full or customer service. I don't care about that. It's my job, not my career. I have to give a shout out to a close friend of mine. He is taking the bull by the horns and I'm proud of him. He has inspired me to figure this thing out. I want fans of my work so I have to put it out there. I will have a surprise in store for my loyal readers. I want to think that it's an exclusive. Check my boy out here though. He majorly talented. If he wants to, he'll be on the big stage one day. http://virb.com/velvetkente

The Chase II

2009-07-09T20:13:00.002-05:00

Ok...I appreciate the responses. So why so so many responses to this post as opposed to the eighty others? I don't know. Maybe I am the voice of the people because I think those who responded in some way feel the same way. It's amazing how many amazing people are lonely or alone at least. So then the question becomes are our standards too high...I don't think so. I don't ask for much. I just need mental stimulation. I am a very easy going person and I'll give almost anybody a chance (Shut up J.B.) Why should two people with an obvious attraction avoid each other because of one of two character flaws? Don't get it twisted; I'm not lonely. But the bachelor's life is boring. I should stop complaining because I know I can't have it both ways. So what happens when the chase ends? Am I destined to be with one woman for 40, 50 or even 60 years? Well the way it looks now, I'll be a bachelor for a minute. So we do our adult things and someone has to leave. That's not how it should be. Nobody should have to leave. We both should just roll over and go to sleep. Damn..that's kinda funny. Anyway, it's still a work in progress. And to those ladies who responded to The Chase, how do u know which side of the line you fell on concerning me? You all know me well enough to know that you can't figure me out that easily.

Steve McNair

2009-07-09T19:26:00.003-05:00

It seems like quite a few celebrities have passed within the past couple weeks. Micheal Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, and Billy Mays have all passed on. Micheal Jackson drew the most attention but Steve McNair was the saddest. He was the only one who was killed. He was the youngest from this group at only 36 years old. It was a senseless murder. What I can't understand...well one thing that I can't understand is why people kill someone and then themselves. If someone wants to commit suicide why take anyone else? That person didn't want to die or they would have committed suicide also. I hear people saying that the reason is the fear of going to jail. If they have that fear then why kill someone? It doesn't make sense to me. Steve McNair should still be alive right now. What really irritates me is all these perfect people who try to make the issue McNair's infidelity. That doesn't even matter. There is no reason to bring him down like it's HIS FAULT that someone killed him. Who cares that he was having an affair? That still doesn't make it his fault. He was asleep on his couch. Nobody deserves to die that way. He was one of the few successful Black quarterbacks in a sport dominated by Blacks. I never knew him or met him so I don't have one of those stories about him. Today there is a memorial service being held for him. It's not getting anywhere near the attention as the king of pop, but it's still newsworthy. Steve McNair will be missed for more than football.

The Chase

2009-07-09T08:10:00.002-05:00

Finding the right companion is very challenging. One minute you think you've found that person then the next you're at each other's throats. I think the chase can be the most interesting part of any relationship. But if you put in so much effort during the chase that you feel like you're being toyed with, it's no longer interesting. At that point it gets annoying. It's obvious when you're being chased, unless you're being naive about the situation. Right now I'm trying to decide if I want to chase someone in particular or just let it be. If the chase is worthless what's the point? We've already gone down this road before and now it's an even more difficult situation for a number of reasons. I don't know. Right now its been almost two months without any real contact. Normally interest would disappear but it hasn't. I see so much potential there for us that I'm not going to give up on it. I'm just like everybody else. I want to have a better half to share everything with. I look like a pimp or something to those looking from the outside in, but that's not me. My parents have been married longer than I've been alive. So don't believe the hype. Most of my peers have kids or basically a family. I'm getting older now. I want a family but it seems like it's on the back burner now. I have to find someone that I would want to have kids with first. I consider myself an intellectual so I need someone who can keep up with me and not just want to party and hang out all the time. I have so many more interests than that. I need to be stimulated mentally. I think that's one thing that I'm missing right now. I need someone I can have a good argument with every now and then. I have someone in mind and I think I will pursue it. What do I have to lose?

The News

2009-07-04T19:26:00.003-05:00

I honestly don't watch the news even though I should. Every time you turn on the news, it will be bad news. From killings, to the economy, to the "war" and so on and so on. That's all the first ten minutes is filled with. And I'm only talking about the local news. I try to stay out of trouble and luckily trouble hasn't followed me. Recently the news hit very close to home though. It was definitely shocking. Where I work news spreads like wildfire. Before you know it, the story has stretched its wings to become something far from the truth. I try not to even think about what happened because I'm hoping its not true. It's unavoidable because everyone will ask you if you heard about it. The sad part about it is that this type of thing happens everyday somewhere. I hope for the best but does that make me wrong for thinking that way? An eye for an eye has always been the mantra. So it's hard to decipher my own feelings about the situation. There is a victim here. I don't know anymore. Things just seem to be falling apart. Everyday there is something that makes you just shake your head. Words are hard to find. I never thought I would know anybody in this situation. Now he's fighting for the rest of his life. It's devastating. I can't put myself in his shoes because it's a very unique situation. I do hope everything will work out in the end but it's completely out of my hands.

The King of Pop

2009-06-27T23:34:00.002-05:00

Micheal Jackson passed. I can go in so many different directions with this one. I'll go where ever my fingers take me. I was born in 1982 so his solo career was just taking off when I was born. Everybody knows about the "Thriller" album and all the success he had with that. Then the problems started. I wasn't a big fan of his music but I understand his legacy in music. There are only a few people that I think you can put in the same category as him like Elvis and The Beatles. His music crossed color barriers and he helped so many people. But it amazes that people become so wrapped up in people that they cried when he passed. It's hard to really make that statement because we can't help how we feel about certain things. I'm really just speaking from my own point of view as usual. It was sad to me though, especially since he was about to try and come back out again. I know he's been trying to for the past few years but we never heard anything. His popularity dwindled when he started having his legal issues but he's still an icon. Honestly this shouldn't come as a surprise. He basically had no childhood. He had to try to capture that period when he was a grown man. All the plastic surgery that he had was going to catch up to him eventually. It's pretty ironic that all these years he tried successfully to change his skin tone but he ended possibly dying from something more commonly found among African Americans. As Khujo from the Goodie Mob said, "You can deny the lie, but you can't deny the truth." But I digress. I'll pay my respects like everyone else. Regardless of how I feel about him, he will be missed. He will always be the king of pop and most of the young performers owe their whole careers to him. There can only be one and that's Mike.

C.R.E.A.M.

2009-06-22T23:36:00.003-05:00

For all those who don't know C.R.E.A.M. is an acronym for "Cash Rules Everything Around Me."(props to the wu-tang clan) The root of all evil is the reason we all hustle on these 9-5 jobs everyday. It's the reason people sell drugs. It's the reason people put on the ski mask. It's the reason people go back to school. Money is necessary to survive. It divides our country...world between the have's and have not's. It is believed that more money means more problems. But more money makes it easier to get out of those problems. People with money can get away with so much more than someone who bust their...for a day's pay. Recently there have been a couple instances where money got people off easier than normal. There is no way Dante Stallworth would still be out in the streets if his name wasn't Dante Stallworth. I mean...he killed somebody and he was drunk. How the hell is he not locked up? It doesn't make sense to me. He should be locked up but he's rich so all the victim's family wants is his money. Chris Brown just got off the hook also. So basically what we're saying is that a crime is a crime unless you're rich. Then we'll just treat you like a young child, who doesn't know any better. I feel strongly about drunk drivers. I put them in the same category as rapist and murderers. Yes, I'm against the death penalty but I think punishment has to be given. You shouldn't be able to kill somebody from behind the wheel and just get ten years probation. I don't want to hear that story about this person never being in trouble before. At some point, an adult has to be treated like an adult. If I do something wrong, I don't expect to be treated any differently because I haven't done anything before. Not something like murder or assault. A speeding ticket is not as big a deal as driving drunk. But money changes all that. It shouldn't. Fair is fair and wrong is wrong. We have to change the way we look at things. Celebrities are not super heroes. They make mistakes just like we do. So they should be punished fairly just like we are. Not unfairly like Micheal Vick...but that's another subject.

Fathers

2009-06-21T01:41:00.002-05:00

For some strange reason I am typing this at 2 A.M. Anyway, I feel like I need to speak on something. Today is Father's Day. That title is easily misunderstood. A dad is not a father. A deadbeat dad is definitely not a father. I don't have any children, but I still don't understand how anyone can be a deadbeat dad. I understand that the parents may not get along, but that has nothing to do with the child. Child support shouldn't even be necessary. I would want to take care of my child. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not just beating up on the dads though. The mothers shouldn't keep him from seeing his kid. It's not right. I see too many single mothers out there. No matter where I go the story will be the same. It's sad because the child is the one who is hurt in the end. We take so much for granted now, myself included. I should be calling my parents everyday, but I don't. I look at the people I know who do and I wish I had type of a relationship with my family. I take the blame for that because even when I said I would do better I never do. It's because of them that I am where I am today. As men we are taught not to show our emotions. It's funny because I wear my heart on my sleeves. So logically it would seem like I could show how much I love people easier. Wrong. I think about those who don't even know who their father is and wonder why I can't go back to how things use to be with my dad. Maybe one day it will be. Honestly I long for that day. I hope it's not too late.

NBA Champs

2009-06-15T11:13:00.003-05:00

So the NBA finals have finally ended. Finally. This is probably the first since I have been watching basketball that I have not watched a minute of the finals. I had no interest in watching once I saw who was going. I'm not a Kobe hater. I just don't like him for various reasons. His first strike with me was before he even played a game in the NBA. He was a kid fresh out of high school and he had the nerve to say that he wouldn't play for the then Charlotte Hornets, which has been my favorite team for like twenty years it seems. So I already didn't like him for that. That just shows his arrogance. He gets too much credit for what he does and doesn't do. I won't deny his talent, but to put him on the level of Jordan, Magic, Bird and Oscar is wrong. The NBA sucks as a whole now because it's so watered down. So this championship doesn't mean anything to me anyway. It's not like they beat a good team. The Magic is not a good team. How can you be considered good when you blow layups and can only survive by making three pointers? The league has become boring but because I have been watching and playing so long I can't stop. Now the draft is coming up. There won't be any stars from this group but there will be plenty of busts. I really wish they would raise the age limit so we can see who can really play. Playing one year these kids get the benefit of the doubt after one year. Two years of ordinary play would show that kids can't play. All in all, I'm still a fan. So there's always next year.

The Gospel

2009-06-14T18:52:00.002-05:00

When I was younger, it seemed like I was in church every Sunday. Now it's nowhere near that much. I'm always at work. When I am off, I feel too tired to go to church. Part of me grew tired of the church scene because I just thought that the people there were hypocrites. I know I'm probably wrong for thinking like that but I can't help it. So many churches have become mega churches. You don't even know all the members of the church because it's the size of a large high school. I'm not sure going to church is necessary to have a relationship with God. Who doesn't have a Bible? Every one has to have their own personal relationship with Him because no one can answer for us in the end. I lost track of that. I don't think anywhere near the way that I did when I was younger. People wear crosses around their necks and think that's enough. It's hard to live on the straightened path. There are so many temptations out there. We all fall prey from time to time. Nobody is perfect. I'm amazed at the different ways that people show their appreciation to God. You have music, tattoos, books, movies, and so on. We all want to make it to Heaven. Some are working at it more than others. I try not to do anything too crazy but I stray too. I'm not perfect and never will I claim to be. I'm here trying to live a stress free life and stay out of trouble just like everybody else. So good luck to everybody. And God bless.

Anger

2009-06-11T23:53:00.002-05:00

Marvin Gaye made a song called "Anger." It's a natural emotion that we all have. In my line of work, I deal with it on a daily basis. Yeah, I dealt with it today. Anger is going to show it's head all the time. What really matters is how it's dealt with. When I was younger I had a quick temper. Any little thing would set me off. It's not like I was an enraged child, but it didn't take much to have my bottom lip poking out. My mom always told me it would stay that way...and it probably has honestly. But it happens. Anger, if used correctly, can be a good thing. I do quite a few things better when I'm mad. You probably wouldn't want to see me on the basketball court when I'm mad. I'm like Jordan...well maybe not that good but you get the point. I get mad all the time, but it blows away quickly. I grew out of that a long time ago. Now I can take more than I would have back then. I think that has become a good and bad thing for me. It keeps me on an even keel, but there are times that I won't stand up for myself because of it. I feel like I've been pushed to my brink recently, but nothing ever comes of it. When I need to get some anger off my chest, I write. That's where the whole idea of my book came from. Anger is fascinating to me. Human behavior in general is interesting, but I have always enjoyed trying to figure out what sets someone off. As long as it's not directed towards me. Then I might get angry. I don't know what I would do if I get pushed to the point where I just fly off the deep end, but there are days when I feel it's coming. Hopefully that day will never truly come. Now let's see what time do I have to go to work tomorrow.............

Black Music Day?

2009-06-08T20:54:00.004-05:00

Ok. So it's black music month. I sure haven't seen anything to suggest that it really is. Maybe it's time to just ditch the whole idea of black music month. And take black history month with it. I understand the significance of them both, but we're just wasting energy if nobody even knows about it. There are so many different ways to celebrate but not one is being used. I really feel sorry for those who came after me. They won't know what real hip-hop is. But they can crank dat lion king or whatever they're doing now. Our history is so important but we don't even talk about it. Before long all these things will be extinct. No more black histoy. Period. I think we take for granted how important those before us were to different movements. Musically nothing would exist without us. Credit is given and then forgotten. So is it worthless???

America's Nightmare

2009-06-05T09:13:00.002-05:00

In one of my earlier posts, I spoke about where I'm from. While there is the inevitable negative atmosphere there, there is also the positive to talk about. Around ninth grade, I watched as many of my peers drop out of school for various reasons. By the time I graduated, it felt like my class was half the size it once was. But on the flip side of that, many of my classmates did go on to school and are doing well for themselves. As much as I criticize my people, I am proud of my culture and where I came from. I'm always happy to see people I went to school with become doctors or lawyers or managers and so on and so on. Blacks in jail is America's dream. That is unacceptable to me. I didn't need Affirmative Action or any other handouts to get where I'm at. I got here from my teachers, my parents, and myself. I can't forget those Sunday services. They always help. Nothing gets under my skin more than questioning my intelligence. During the civil rights era, they had to go through so much so we could even sit in a decent classroom. Of course we take that for granted now. But I think just the fact that so many are continuing their education is encouraging. There are so many talented kids out there dying to be heard, myself included. I'm starting to make become more comfortable with the idea of being in the spotlight (Raign...coming soon). So get ready world. We are America's Nightmare: Young, Black and Educated.